Love&Skyrim

XDDDDD ARROW TO THE KNEE REFERENCE! XDDDDD LOVE IT!
Eeyup.

thats really good nour iv personaly always been really bad at poems

... is this supposed to be funny cuz i dont see the point
now go get ur self an arrow in the knee

Kimo Force wrote:

This poem is quite deep in more than one way. I can tell that this woman fell in love with a man who seemed so perfect, yet he betrayed her in a way that broke her heart. Now she is trying to live the life of her dreams before she met that special someone, whom she cannot take her mind off of, but she must for her life is worth living.
The poem explains the cruelty of some men, who do not care for what their loved ones feel, but only to make use of and abuse them in a way that they find suitable to their needs. Expressing the poem in an ancient timeline defines the hardships one had to endure so long ago, and that meeting a love was a complete renovation in one's life. The stanzas seem to be balanced with witty rhyming thrown in the mix, and quite an interesting sequence of events.
However, if I were to criticize, the incorrect words to be used can be noted, such as "guy" and the short forms of a few phrases. A few lines also indicated a poor amount of emotion, or relation to the piece, which takes away a large portion of its sheer beauty.

Total 6.7/10

wtfu?? seriously i dont see anything in this poem from what u said
this is like another text i read and go to do other things

Idk how many admins are banning you, I know of one that definitelly won't ban you, because then he'd have to ban himself for the same reason.

soo ... i finally find some topic with skyrim in its name and what do i see , a poem .....

Well, speaking about your poetry in general, 2 things you should try to pick up on:

1.) Rhythm. Read over the poetry a couple times after you've finished, and make sure there's a rhythm to your lines. Like, for example.

He's sweet, nice, and kind
He's the kind that's hard to find

There's a rhythm (I forget which one, trochaic perhaps?) in the second verse that isn't in the first.
(That's a stress every other syllable)

He's the kind that's hard to find

Try to match this in the first one, by adding a new word every time.

He's sweet, he's nice, and kind

Already if you think it over, it sounds better, though it's a different kind of rhythm, though the second verse sounds slightly inept, as there is only 3 parts and it feels short; the new words make it sound kinda crap, basically, so let's throw a triple in there.

He's sweet, he's nice, he's cute, and kind

Hell, let's go all out and throw in some apt repetition.

He's sweet, he's nice, he's cute, he's kind

So to finish we have:

He's sweet, he's nice, he's cute, he's kind
He's the kind that's hard to find

It looks better already, if I do say so myself, it would be especially awesome if you followed up with some more complicated rhymes and stuff.

All the time; he's in my mind
I'm blind, without him by my side

(Note the half rhyme with "side". It doesn't actually rhyme but it does sound similar.)


2.) Try not to use simple rhyming words.

Words that are usually single-syllable are alot less impressive looking than words which are 2 or even 3.

E.g. Because there's dragons everywhere
Dragons here and Dragons there

Everywhere was a good start; though it was simple, it's long and good looking. However, "dragons here and dragons there" are very simple and they tend to make the poem itself seem a lot more simplistic.

However I do understand that there are a limited number of words which rhyme with other words, and a way around that is to confuse people. No joke.

Just throw in a long impressive looking word with a simple word, though make sure it isn't too simple.

A simple word like "Flare", for example. That has to do with fire which has to do with dragons, right?

Because there's dragons everywhere,
Purging worlds with abyssal flares,

Though again, that sounds quite inapt, so you have to lead on to something bigger. Something to make them forget how the first line wasn't that good by making them go "hm, that was pretty good." at the end.

Apocalyptic battles, the age of judgement
I feel emotions; rage; despair at the
uncaring destruction, plaguing our lands
at the hands of the dragons, the actions that stand;
to fan the flames of its own eternal war,
a taunt to find what resistance man can draw,
from the depths of thei-

*got carried away. Sorry*

But you get the picture, right?

Really good poem. I used to write poetry... then I took an arrow to the knee...

I thought you above that kind of joke, Wynchester... I am disappointed.