Writer's Guild - Season 1

Subject: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Mon Nov 18, 2013 11:21 pm

~~Implying there will be other seasons, pfft~~

Here you can express yourself with short writing works.
In order to make sure this is accessible, posts here cannot exceed 10000 characters.
You can only post here once a week, meaning the 1 post limit resets every Monday.
Most writing works that do not break general WDA rules and are less than 10000 characters are acceptable.
You can continue your previous work on subsequent weeks, so if you exceed the 10000 character limit, you can break your work in multiple pieces and post it over the course of several weeks.
If your post exceeds 10000 characters, everything after the last possible sentence that does not exceed 10000 characters will be cut off. The cut off part will be sent to you via pm.

How this works: Simply post here your writing piece following the rules when it is ready. No extra requirements or signups, you participate the moment you post your work.
If you have any questions, use that topic http://www.worldduelingacademy.com/t6814p12-writer-s-guild#59780
Do not post in this topic anything after said writing pieces.

Week 1/4, character limit resets on Monday, November 25th

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Fri Nov 22, 2013 9:28 am

Spoiler:

uh.. i don't even know...
http://www.worldduelingacademy.com/t6829-random-alibaba-story-time for feedback i guess

Edit: i changed it a bit because it was too short. mainly like the school stuff. and by mainly i mean that's all i did.

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Fri Nov 22, 2013 10:47 am

Spoiler:

http://www.worldduelingacademy.com/t6828-otakus-in-orange-chapter-i#59855
Here's the link to the original post. Be sure to comment if you would like to see more.
9363 without counting the extra bit of text at the bottom.

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Fri Nov 22, 2013 9:37 pm

Spoiler:

Original Post
http://www.worldduelingacademy.com/t6830-souls-of-demons-chapter-one-brothers#59868
Feel free to give feedback.

Subject: Murderer under the Zo'ohnlkfei 1/4 Mon Nov 25, 2013 2:39 pm

Murderer under the Zo'ohnlkfei
Part 1

I was warned many times before that my sanity could be lost, but never before this day had I doubted myself once. Only now that I witness beyond that person an unutterable visage of ever changing madness, do I consider that I never held onto sanity, perhaps all of this was my fault.

I am Tanethis Lom Grotsr, one that was falsely called a great hero of the 12th and last Volthi war. In truth, as a soldier I can be nothing but a murderer, that is something I had accepted even before the first time I took a life. I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder, however the same holds true for every other survivor of that war. In reality, the mind of a Volthi such as I will not ever break from war, even among other Cernua (horned races) we are unfortunately known to be most fierce and bloodthirsty, creatures of war by nature.
My latest - and perhaps final - task was ensuring the safety of my beloved benefactor, Lord Qlueif Vinhewn, as his personal guard. That is a task I took up soon after the 12th Volthi war and one I have been performing ever since, for what has been already a whole tenth of my life up to now. Until a minute ago, I would have declared with pride my unwavering loyalty for all this time, but now that too falls in doubt.

What started this chain of events was a hostile intrusion in my Lord's workplace. Make no mistake, this is no average workshop, this complex structure is certainly worthy of one with the title of Lord. Naturally, we are not the only inhabitants of it either. However no other security member, save from myself is on this same level with my Lord. That is because no other one is needed. After we were informed of the urgency of the situation, I escorted my Lord to the safe room. Here all we had to do was wait. We were protected by the Aetovh security system, even if intrusion is successful, going anywhere past the entrance is impossible. Or at least that's how it should be.

The Aetovh system guarding us is a complex machination of the Zhi'jthel, all its mechanics are incomprehensible to most races of the universe. Even those that can begin to comprehend it agree it is impossible to be cracked externally, with just a few, named and law abiding individuals known to be able to begin working around it. The way it works is by manipulating the position of its contents in space, without its permission it is physically impossible to move between levels. Our safe room works in a similar way, once it has guests it can only operated from the inside, and unless it is, it is not connected by space anywhere, thus an intrusion to it is completely impossible, a "safe" room. The reason that all we had to do was wait, is not only because of the security, but primarily because of Aetovh's intrusion response mechanisms which constantly reattempts to isolate and exclude the intruder until the threat is cleared. That means any intruders should be facing the building itself which would reshape to either exile them in empty space or imprison them in a spatially isolated area.

We waited too long. Reports we were getting from upper levels were vague, especially when considering our own level, ranging from lack of feed to even nothing out of the ordinary. They continued, saying, an intruder was there, as there were casualties on other levels, but as Aetovh closed down after the first intrusion, it could only be one. That theory was reinforced by the lack of confirmation, a larger group would have been spotted. The strange thing was that even though Aetovh had sovereignty of the entire structure, it could not identify nor locate the intruder as it was supposed to be able to do and has done in all other cases, while still it did not deem the situation to be clear. It had entered in a long loop state, while malfunctions were reported, a word that would make many a Zhi'jthelian head spin. I decided then that we should leave the safe room and find an exit ourselves. Anything could have happened in the time we stood by, while there could be no threat and Aetovh could be showing its first ever error. I am a soldier, certainly not a scientist, so I could not put my complete faith in it given the facts.

Above all, even if an intruder existed, he would be singular. Me aside, there was a chance he should not even be able to harm Lord Qlueif Vinhewn, as he was a Vinley, a race quite high on the food chain with few things that can actually kill them, and I am saying this while taking into consideration most marvels of military technology. The only real threat should have been another Volthi, such as myself, as we happen to be their natural enemies. But that is why I am here, as a "hero" of the last Volthi war, I am a murderer that has killed more of my kind than most in the known universe, so even if one was after my Lord's life, his quest would only meet an inglorious end.

As we left the safe room, my Lord brought to my attention the smell. I don't have a strong sense of smell, but even I could tell how foul the air was. It was not something either of us could place, I've had my share of horrid stenches on the battlefield, but this one did not register as one of them. A weaker creature would be nauseous. Neither of us was one of those creatures. After looking around the area to see if there were any major structural differences than usual due to Aetovh, I confirmed our destination to be in Sector C, a few corridors down, which connected to the level where we would meet up with the rest of the security.

It was not long before we noticed yet another oddity. This level was empty. Normally there should have been enough engineers here to give obvious signs of life, but instead the level felt deserted. Even after shouting for them to help us confirm the situation, I got no response. We moved on, carefully. I was leading and keeping a close watch for threats, it was clear by now that there was an anomaly in the building. Later on, I came for the first time in a while across signs of life. We heard rattling in one of the labs, whoever was responsible however would not give an answer to our calls, so I followed the noise to investigate. I was shocked to find it was one of our engineers, curled up below the operation controls. His eyes were all stretched open with blood coming out from some of the lower ones, a side effect of not closing them for a long period of time, as he was constantly muttering something I could not make out. I tapped him to get his attention and ask him what happened, only to have him stare at me in fear and try to crawl away. His answers to my questions were all the same mutterings. I was not familiar with his native tongue, so either way I would only get an array of incomprehensible gibberish so long as he was not trying to communicate with me. I have to note that a specific part of those mutterings seemed out of place to the rest, a phrase his words seemed to constantly cycle back to: "Zo'ohnlkfei".

Soon my Lord told me we should move on. A wise choice, unfortunately there was not much we could do for him at the moment it seems, it was thought to be best at the time to finish the task at hand and deal with this later. From that point on our path was not linear. Even though I had an awareness of where we were before, it seems that from here on, the level was all changed by Aetovh. Perhaps I should have turned back then, maybe I should not have pressed on regardless. It could be the fear pushing me from behind or the curiosity driving me on that made me challenge the unknown threat. In our forced detours we found out the reason for the lack of feed. The spatial distortions in places seemed to have been caused by malfunctions of the Aetovh, smashing parts of the structure, including those housing surveillance, making watch of the area impossible.

Despite that, in time we did manage to make it to Sector C, only to find something we were not looking for. The previously white walls were now painted with various colours of blood, coming from the body parts scattered with increasing frequency the closer you got to the level gateway. The cuts were in most cases clean, and as suggested by the clothing of a certain upper half that remained, that could be perhaps the answer to the mystery of some of our missing engineers, as that one still wore our uniform. It seems that a while ago, they had the same idea I had of escaping to the upper levels through the Sector C gateway, but they were stopped by "something". Perhaps worse yet, the gateway was now distorted into what I could only describe as a pile of junk, completely beyond repair and unusable. We were certainly not out yet and had to find a different path.

Despite being unable to tell what forced them to a frantic escape, despite being unable to piece together what happened to them, I was convinced that I should press on, I still believed that I could protect Lord Qlueif Vinhewn no matter what, or perhaps that was never my intention, because looking back I was undoubtedly tangling myself further in the spider's web.

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Tue Nov 26, 2013 12:20 am

First week is over, three to go in season 1. With the end of the first week, character limits are reset, so even those that already posted, may post again under a fresh 10k character limit. Of course, those who did not post in the first week may still post their own works now or at any point in the season.

As a sidenote, you do not need to put anything in spoilers. The reason people are doing it is literally only because Alibaba did it.
1) 10k characters are about 1 page long if you don't spread it and it will go up to 2 if you do, so it doesn't cause that many scrolling issues.
2) The whole point of this topic is those writing works, so there is no reason to hide them.
3) Stuff in spoilers are harder to read than stuff out of them, especially in long posts it can be tiring.

It is understandable if you are reposting from another topic where it can be properly read without spoilers, but not otherwise. Generally people shouldn't be coming to this topic to skip them anyways.

Other than that, there may be some confusion in regards to feedback since there are posting limitations on this topic. At the end of the season we don't immediately jump to the next season. Instead we review what has been posted up to now and try to give each other advice. That would be the time for feedback. Of course you can get feedback in other topics before that, what I'm saying here is just that such a time is planned and exists.

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Sat Nov 30, 2013 7:12 pm

Al-bhed wrote:: It is understandable if you are reposting from another topic where it can be properly read without spoilers, but not otherwise.

Well that's what I did for Chapter One and I guess I'll do it for Chapter Two.

Spoiler:

http://www.worldduelingacademy.com/t6839-souls-of-demons-chapter-two-promises#59965

Feel free to post whatever there, feedback and whatnot.

(Like the last chapter I wrote this at night and I'm a bit tired so mistakes might have been made. Just tell me if there is any and I'll fix them at some point.)

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Sun Dec 01, 2013 9:37 am

Spoiler:

http://www.worldduelingacademy.com/t6840-otakus-in-orange-chapter-ii#59971

Subject: Murderer under the Zo'ohnlkfei 2/4 Mon Dec 02, 2013 1:37 pm

Murderer under the Zo'ohnlkfei
Part 2

This is not the first time my life has been in danger. There are heinous creatures out there, petty creatures, envious creatures, arrogant creatures, hateful creatures and simply bloodthirsty creatures. I have been forced to accept the reality that everyone is born evil. Therefore, in this world it is the duty of those with power, such as myself, to deliver two things. Prosperity and order. Those two blessings are capable of reforming all life from its vile, ugly base to a sublime form. I truly believe a Utopia can be achieved as such. And it is within the scope of these duties that I have indeed helped bring order and prosperity to many galaxies. I am proud to say that they were contributions so great that not only have they earned me the title of Lord, but most importantly, I have been allowed to carry the suffix of the name of my noble race within my own name. I am Lord Qlueif Vinhewn of the Vinley, and right now I am witnessing the attempts, of the evil I have been fighting, to reach me.

As for who or what that intruder could be, the answer would be "anything". Terrorists, hitmen hired by my competitors, insurgent groups or even common madmen have tried and failed to harm me. So if we are talking about an attempt at taking my life, the answer would be truly "anything". That however is an "if" that has to be considered. That would assume I am being targeted at my workplace, the main building of Vinhewn Technologies. Here I have only 1 guard to ensure my safety, at least on this level. If it were during transport, it would be at least 6. If it were at my residence, at least 8 would be covering the surrounding area, ready to call several units from a close vicinity should anything go wrong. The reason I have only 1 here is that I should be in no danger. A large number of security guards is spread among several levels in this building, the highest concentration being level 21 of the C Sector. Most importantly, the Aetovh security system, one that has been known as impenetrable, is protecting the entire building. This amount of security is not excessive. While my life is of course of great importance, the reason I have gone to such lengths to protect the main building of the Vinhewn Technologies is industrial espionage. What is held here is much more coveted than my own head, and because it is so well protected, I am the safest I could be by extension. This means that under normal circumstances, no one would attempt to harm me while within Vinhewn Technologies, in fact, anywhere but here would be a far superior choice.

And yet, this seems to be an assassination attempt. According to reports, all ways to access level 11's trade records, level 6's testing material storage, most importantly, level 1's database and even level 5's discarded experimental data, have been ignored completely by the intruder. Instead, level 16 where I am has been clearly assaulted, and while research is still conducted on this level, as it is of an upper order, a lot of data that is stored on lower orders cannot be accessed at all, making anything you could take from here incomplete and ultimately useless. It is certainly no understatement to claim that the only notable target here is me, which contradicts with the previous reasoning. Of course, one could be an utter fool and try to kill me here, but considering this intruder has been dodging Aetovh, of all things, successfully and for quite some time, we can safely discard that assumption. I could accept this contradiction right here and declare I do not know what is occurring right now, but that would be irresponsible of me.

An answer exists. In fact a clue is already there. The intruder has been dodging Aetovh. Anyone that is not here right now would completely deny such a claim, the Aetovh cannot be dodged, the Aetovh cannot be compromised and while it can be hacked, by very few individuals in the known universe, with supervision that too is impossible as it is a lengthy process. And yet here we are with the Aetovh acting up, an intruder still roaming Vinhewn Technologies and multiple casualties of some truly brilliant employees of mine that have been reduced to a sad, repulsive state. Because of all of this there is an obvious answer. There is a realistic chance I may have been betrayed as everything could be explained if we assume the enemy is someone who has been in control of the Aetovh all along. However that still means everything is possible to be explained, not that everything just falls into place, because if someone organized this much, it would still be much more profitable to reach level 1 and "steal" the database than to go after me, which is what the smart ones would do. The possibility this conjecture frees up is that since one was never really "dodging the Aetovh", this is something that could have been done by fools, or at least not sane individuals. At the same time, when you look at it this way, it is also important that in this moment I have only 1 guard. You could say this is only 1 person guarding me, you could also say this is only 1 person that can reach me.

It saddens me that I suspect this person, as Tanethis Lom Grotsr has been truly loyal to me and it is because of that, that I will not condemn him without proof. There is something however that boosts my suspicions. Recently I received a message informing me of the possibility that his sanity may be broken and that another consciousness may be residing within him. That supposedly came from one of the analysts of his unit back in the war, but as it would normally be classified information, it was understandably not a message that could be delivered through legitimate routes. As such, its validity is questionable, so despite being informed in the past of the possibility of a post traumatic stress disorder, I chose to disregard the information, acknowledging Tanethis's loyalty. But if that's the case, what suppressed reason could he have for wanting to kill me? Unfortunately such a reason may indeed exist. It is hardly rational for one and probably pushed by his cernua instincts if that is indeed the case, still though feasible. I trust my guard but it is also true that while not as base as malfhen (haired races), most cernua are known to be quite savage.

To make a long story short, the Volthi homeplanet is rich in beshelnim, a mineral that was much needed for the prosperity of the galaxy, however being a cernua race, the Volthi trade terms were unreasonable, causing many to suffer. Following my duty I was one of those that supported the Hrem faction, those being the Volthi that were far more negotiable, which led in them restoring proper order in a rather violent way that is known now as the 12th Volthi war. For that, I, along with other benefactors of the galaxy have been blamed by Volthi terrorist groups, several of which attempted to murder me in the past. In fact that is why I chose Tanethis as my personal guard, he is unfortunately most knowledgeable in killing other Volthi. All that however, sadly, may be subconsciously affecting him.

That is not to say he is responsible for this. While it is true that he lead me out of the safe room, even though it may end up putting me in danger unnecessarily, it is also true that whatever he wanted to do, he could do while we both were in the safe room. There are only three reasons I can think why he would not attempt anything if it was indeed him that betrayed me. The first is surveillance, perhaps he did not want anyone to know it was him who did it. Killing me in the safe room would make him the only possible suspect. Outside, level 16 is monitored. Even though parts seem to be broken, as I, being a Vinley, am not easy to kill, there is a chance I would move to an area covered by monitoring. The second is the fact that I am armed. I have an accelerated Foron particle gun always with me. That is one of the few ways to kill Volthis. They are very expensive to manufacture and are only guaranteed to kill when fired at the middle heart of a Volthi from behind at a short distance, but they still inflict notable damage from any other angle. Tanethis is aware I carry that always as I have informed him in the past, and he may have noticed I have been on guard. The third reason I can think of is that if he is the one that betrayed me, he is not consciously aware of it.

Still, I want to discard the possibility that Tanethis may have betrayed me as a less likely scenario and consider it is the work of someone else. I will trust in the one that is guarding me and focus on prevailing against the evil that wants to prevent me from performing my duties.

"Tanethis, what do you think of the situation?"
"It seems like a very peculiar malfunction of the Aetovh, until now. As a result Sector C in this level has collapsed, making level 21 inaccessible from here. I believe we should move to level 14 instead from the Sector U gateway below and try to access it from there, my lord. I can't tell if it is possible for the Aetovh to react as it is, since it is impossible for me to comprehend its architecture, therefore I have to consider both the possibility of a malfunction and, sadly now, the possibility it has been compromised from the inside. In either case we can only proceed carefully. Is that all right my lord?"

I can't help but accept that answer, while I'll take Aetovh's credibility for a fact most of the time, it is also true I cannot comprehend its architecture either, so we should be open to the possibility that it was not a betrayal. At the same time, a betrayal is also very possible given the situation. All we can do in that case is make it out to a safer place as soon as possible. Thank you Tanethis, I now have more reason to trust you.

"Very well, you may lead the way."

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Tue Dec 03, 2013 9:19 am

My Fairy Tale:

http://www.worldduelingacademy.com/t6841-the-12-travelers#59981

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Mon Dec 09, 2013 12:23 pm

Since we did get 3 submissions that were repeated over the first 2 weeks, but none this week, I'll be giving a 2 day extension to this week's 10k limit, for an extra chance to the other two authors and myself. It is by no means mandatory to post each week, so extensions won't be a thing, but it would be nice if it was kept consistent this time around for at least some out of the repeating ones, so I'll be giving one this once.

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Wed Dec 11, 2013 7:13 am

Spoiler:

Sorry I'm late. I was quite busy this week.
http://www.worldduelingacademy.com/t6847-otakus-in-orange-chapter-iii#60025

Subject: Murderer under the Zo'ohnlkfei 3/4 Wed Dec 11, 2013 4:23 pm

Murderer under the Zo'ohnlkfei
Part 3

It's from here on that my recount gets unreliable, for I am not truly able to describe what I was witnessing. While the circumstances were far from normal up to here, it was this point that everything started coming down. As soon as we left Sector C, the ground shook and the entrance collapsed. No, it would be more accurate to say that the entrance disappeared. It seems that as a result of Aetovh's spatial restructuring, now the entrance from where we came connected to a collapsed area and created a vacuum effect. As we were pulled back, without time to think I took my lord's hand and pressed onward. Because of the urgency of the matter, I did not immediately realize the abnormalities there. For one, the stench was stronger than ever, despite the vacuum steadily sucking the air away. Along with it, the air- no, the air was being forcibly removed little by little, it would be more accurate to say the space, so- the space felt heavy, while I was getting the illusion that light was bending in impossible ways in places and in others it was fading away. That was the first abnormality. The second was that I was completely unfamiliar with the structure of this area. Even when distorted, as in this case, I can generally tell our location. I am familiar with about half the building, that is all areas I had reason to be in. Naturally, I know level 16 the best, and I could tell that was not where we were. While passing through that door, we had left level 16. Or rather, we probably still were in it, but this block seems to have been forced onto level 16 from elsewhere.

The breach seemed to have been far away in the collapsed area behind us, so escaping the vacuum was actually a simple task. We just crossed the corridor before us and closed the door behind us. As soon as we did I could finally see the stagnant air bearing traces of a black mist. That was not something unthinkable, there are many projects that can produce that result in Vinhewn Technologies if they go wrong, so I was concerned about a more troubling matter.

"Lord Vinhewn, can you perhaps tell which level this block is from?"
"No, I cannot tell, I don't know if it's the restructuring or my memory failing me, however I know nothing about this place right now."

I asked my lord only to find out that neither of us knew of our location, so with that I asked him to stay a bit further back while I check the area. Opening several doors, I at least confirmed it was an office area. I also confirmed that there was no one else there save from some centipedes I failed to be suspicious of at the time, however it was not something I would be oblivious to for long. It was in what appeared to be a conference room that I would come to see. As I approached I found that the smell was getting fouler and the air thick enough to get stuck at my throat. Whatever the source of it was, it seemed to be seeping from the doors to the conference room. To get closer to the bottom of this, I had to find out, so carefully I went inside. What I saw first was two workers, lying against the wall with their heads looking down. After calling out to them and receiving no response, I went closer to better understand what's wrong with them. It was with delay that I took notice of the peculiar noise above me. I looked to the ceiling to see what I would now describe as a swarm of centipedes moving as one body, crawling through a hole that is not there in that very ceiling. As soon as I took notice of them, they formed a ladder of sorts with their bodies to reach me. I did not stay for it. Instead I ran back out, only to be welcomed by a series of large thuds in the direction of my lord. I ran to him, seeing behind him the walls bending downwards and inwards, seemingly trying to crush him. I asked him to not look at the conference room and instead I took his hand again and ran, without knowing my destination.

Instead we leaped through the first exit to the block available, only to have a similar experience, with the entryway behind us collapsing and creating a vacuum. Observing the room as we took off, I realized we just managed to get tangled deeper in the web. The sight of blood, behind a faint black mist, welcomed us. This isn't just about 2 or 3 dying, so the first thing I wonder is how is it that no one really saw the intruder? I decided that we had to get move fast, but was distracted by a peculiar noise coming from the bloody wall. The blood was moving in a strange way. Eventually it formed into bubbles before starting to gather and transforming into something else while it extended. That was the last moment I stayed, I took my lord and we ran to escape.

But it seems escape was impossible. We would get away to an unknown block only for the Aetovh to attempt to eliminate us again. That time as well, the entryway broke and from the newly connected block, a strong current drew us in, while the black mist was there too. I rushed ahead only to see space distort in the distance. Something was there, a sharp mass coming out of the wall, but I couldn't quite register its figure and I did not want to try at the time. All I could tell is that whatever it was, it was wrigling in its entirety in a disturbing way. Soon, from the nothingness it sprawled out, it return without a sound, but I knew I should not approach so I took the closest exit instead.

That time, nothing collapsed behind us. Instead the door just shut tight. I walked further in. Several seats were lined up to each side with one row to the middle. The stagnant and foul air remained, but it was mixed in with a different, soothing smell. The floor was painted with creatures and scenes I could not place, while several screens were spread equally on the walls. Religious minorities among the workers of Vinhewn Technologies, after reaching a certain number, may request areas like this where they can express their faith, in other words this is a chapel. Where the seats face there is a raised platform, and on that platform a padestal stands out where an urn, holy to the followers of the faith of this chapel is placed. Or at least it should be. I was amazed I did not notice earlier, as a Volthi soldier I should be much more perceptive to the presence of others, but I only noticed this one last. On top of the padestal, replacing the urn that was now on the ground, smashed, stood a small creature from an unfamiliar bipedal species. About a third of my size and lightly clothed, a malfhen as it seems. 'Could that creature possibly be that almighty intruder?' is what I wondered at the time. It was looking at me that entire time, and as I met its gaze, finally it spoke with what I understood to be a smile.

"Welcome, and congratulations, you've reached the end of the line."
It had been so long since I heard the Volthi common tongue that this creature seemed to be able to handle natively, so for a moment I stood surprised. Still, I understood it as some sort of threat and tried to reach for my weapon before responding to the malfhen, but that I was unable to do. I was interrupted by a slight noise and a burning sensation below my chest. Was the threat of the malfhen realized? No, it did not actually move all this time. The hit came from behind, smashing my third heart, it was a fatal blow and had me staggering

"Even leading me to your accomplice, why did you betray me Tanethis? More than anything else now, I feel sadness, for losing a subordinate such as you."

That is what my Lord told me, holding the Foron gun that was just operated to kill me. Betrayal? Me? Had I really done that? I couldn't understand anything. What was it that I had done? Gathering from my remaining strength, I asked

"Why?"

"Because you are the filthy alien that happened to be my target. I won't deny it was also for fun though."

The answer did not come from Lord Vinhewn, but from the malfhen, once again in native Volthi.

"Are you targeting my lord?"

"Did you miss what I said? The reason I am here is not to kill the oversized squid you call Lord, the one I came here to kill was you."

Me and not my lord? Absurd, why would anyone-

"Ruthless slayer of thousands, but above all, great hero of a great war, just, honourable, a good man that would always try to save more than he tried to kill. Praised by his kind, an example to others.
...
Disgusting, worthless and absurd. An alien vermin considered to be a great man? A good man? You sicken me. In your hubris did you fail to see? Kill and they would fear you, hate and they would avoid you, lie and they would adore you, but it is the good deeds that will have them scorn you and it is the hypocrisy of a murderer that would make their envy righteous. It is only natural that the one wanted dead the most was you and not him."

The malfhen was trailing off with what seems to be a cheerful, smiling expression contradicting its words all that time. I tried to respond but strength has already left me and I collapse to the ground. It was then that I could finally notice it, behind it towered a wriggling figure. I can't face it and I can't understand it. As soon as I manage to see it, it changes. Was it not there before? I give up.

"Stuuuuupid, stuuuupid, just what were you trying to accomplish. Acting nice? You are an alien, no need for that, just crawl and then die. But worry not, for I am a worthy kind man, unlike you. I shall avenge your death little Volthi. No need to thank me, I did happen to pick up a smaller contract for the squid, so I'll kill the retarded master that betrayed your trust."

I can't allow that, I can't let it happen. I extend my arm towards the creature bearing the small bush of white hair atop its head, but my strength fades, I can't reach it, my arm drops to the ground. I'm sorry my lord.

Subject: Murderer under the Zo'ohnlkfei 4/4 Mon Dec 16, 2013 7:56 pm

Murderer under the Zo'ohnlkfei
Part 4

It truly came as a shock to me that Tanethis betrayed my trust. I still can not fully understand the details, but I had to accept it upon seeing his accomplice. Strangely, it is a small malfhen, but it seems to be speaking the common tongue of the Volthi nativelly, as such I could not understand their conversation, still, I can at least I can deduce that this assault originates from the Volthi. I cannot recognize the species of that malfhen, but it is unlikely it can somehow harm me. It is time I question it.

"Why are you after my life, haired one?"
"After your life? Ahaha~ you're quite self-important, aren't you?
You're not my primary contract here, so if it's a question of why, it's more like, since I'm here, might as well do a side job and kill you."
!
The answer came in Yphal, the tongue of my homeland. Even I'm not using it as much lately and it speaks it as if it's its mother tongue. Is that even possible without our vocal cord structure?

"You can't kill me malfhen, is it really worth it to throw away your life here just for money?"
"Money? That is too dirty a motive for an act so beautiful, you wound me Qlueif, my interest is more of a religious one in nature."
?
I don't understand, is it trying to mock me or is it serious? I did not get to ask the haired creature that has been gleefully smiling all along before it continued.

"Can you understand, Qlueif, the agony of a lone creature that ventures forth from his world for the first time? I knew of truth, a single reality, that everything dies, but then I witnessed it all and was told that reality is subjective to the view of the species! Absurd! Insane! Madness! The Kayirh deny death, they say it is merely an accident outside of the proper way of life. No says the Lypol'sen, we live forever. The Xaorsi challenge it, everyone battles death and it is a battle that can be won, they say. Do you all fancy yourselves immortal? Do none of you understand? We knew! Even if our gods worked for death, even if our gods were said to defeat death, never was it truly explained what it is and where it came from, and in the end it was for all obvious that it was because death was above all! It was not a curse, an accident, an adversary or a lie, it was truth, it was a blessing! How can anyone say they can live without death?
Therefore I struggle, to bring to all of you truth, the meaning of life, so that all will be happy. I am a missionary of death!"

"I see, you are insane. Very well, I will try to reason with you no more, I will only bring you the death you desire. Answer me this if you will first though. How did you bring out that strange black gas in the building? It is unpleasant."

" ?
I did no such thing?
That was probably this guy I called."

After cocking its head to the side in question, it points behind of where it stands, seemingly at the wall.

"There is nothing there malfhen. More nonesense?"

"Hmm? You can't see it? I guess your goat friend was more perceptive. Is it because he was dying?
Regardless, let me help you with that."

It stops, looks behind it self and speaks again

"Uthlfa'iec ptune'nka Zo'ohnlkfei'ai rva sfvet n'gha zo'xwi sha~"

Following the words of that absurd tongue, space behind it distorts. No, it would be more accurate to say that something previously unnoticed now comes into focus. The sight of this profane creature that appeared is repulsive. It is as if billions of centipedes came together to form a greater insect-like creature, more than 10 times the size of the malfhen in front of it. Those of course are not real centipedes, in that case the form of this creature would only deviate so much. But these continue changing, making the creature seem like something completely different the more you focus on it. I can feel that is a violation upon reality with my body and I instinctively avoid looking at where its face is suggested to be, I fear for what I may witness and my curiosity is not going to get the better of me.

"What is this thing, malfhen?! What did you do?! How did you bring it here?!"

"It is just the Zo'ohnlkfei, I don't know what strange thoughts are going through your head, but you just call it like anyone else. You merely need to intrigue it, pose a question, and it will come to converse. Don't be afraid, while easily misunderstood, the Zo'ohnlkfei is actually a disgustingly gentle creature, a bringer of life."

Ever since that creature appeared, the air started becoming heavier and a black fog started getting more visible. Whatever this is, it seems that it makes me slightly disturbed.

"Just what is this black smoke?!"

"You are overreacting, this is just dufused nakorium, even though it may be the Zo'ohnlkfei's doing, it is nothing too impressive, it is just breaking the Vinshan gas into its components. But enough of that, let's not keep it waiting.
Zo'ohnlkfei, I was called insane for declaring death's glory. Tell us, does life come from death? Tell us, is it the answer? Tell us, will the universe find salvation through it? Tell us, is it what we need?"

"HCYAR'RGUAAA"

The answer that came from the centipedes was a loathsome cry. It is not without meaning, as through my ears and in my head I can find meaning, like I was talked to, but the meanings are too many, like everyone around me all talking to me at once, and the meaning is lost.

"You are a fool, Zo'ohnlkfei! Why give life to those that take it for granted? No one shall be saved, this is nothing but a fetish Zo'ohnlkfei! Can you not see the beauty in their dead eyes?!"

"ZEJHGA'LO'RQJAAA"

Once again a cry that invades my head with words that conflict upon each other. And every time the creature responds, the black fog spreads further and grows thicker.

"...
Very well, we will agree to disagree. You may go now, Zo'ohnlkfei."

"VKHORL'PHTUAA"

Before my eyes, with a final cry, the creature starts fading, as if it is no longer in focus, as if now I am able to ignore it exists. This is my chance to approach the malfhen, I will wait no more for another absurdity to appear, I will kill it now. I rush towards the small haired creature.
I close the distance fast and reach out to grab it.
But nothing is there... How long was it gone for? It did not disappear just now, it feels as if I stopped noticing it at some point. But where is it?

My question is soon answered by a particle pistol shot from a completely different direction. It's a standard accelerated particle shot. It burns, but it cannot harm me. The real issue is how did it get there? I try to focus on it more aggressively, smash the seats between us as I get closer and see it crouch to the ground, hiding behind one of those seats. I smash that seat as well only to see it is once again no longer there. This time the shot comes from the pedestal where it was, before Tanethis's corpse. I close the distance once more fast. But this time I did not get to notice it is no longer there, I noticed first its steps behind me. I turn around and it really had gotten there. From this distance there is no disappearing. I reach out to it as it seems to be trying to reach out to me as well. However, our reach is different, I will get to it before it gets to me and even if it does, there is nothing it can do.

My arm is close, a little more and I'll grab it, smash its head and end this. As my arm gets closer, as the malfhen is still unable to reach me, my arm now gets further away. Am I pushed back? How? Even if it could push me, it never got to reach me. And yet, before its hand could touch I am slightly pushed by something backwards. No matter, it is not even that far, I will just steady my feet and-

Urgh! A sharp, burning pain attacks my chest as if I was stabbed by something. But that is no issue either, it will just heal very soon. So I steady my feet, try to get away from whatever I hit and try to chase. I can close the distance fast but I see it dive behind another seat. As I get there I see that I can no longer find it close. How does it keep disappearing the moment it gets out of my line of sight?

This time, instead of attacking me, it reveals itself. Far back in the chapel, staring at me with a smile. Irritated I try to chase it again. But I slow down. I am getting dizzy and my sight momentarily blurs. Just what happened?

"You didn't even notice what stabbed you? You that fancy yourselves immortal are true fools. It was the horn of a Volthi, you revolting slug, your mortal enemy."

What is he talking about? I look behind me to confirm where I hit back then, only to find my blood dripping off of the horn of Tanethis's corpse. Did he push me onto it on purpose back then? No matter, I don't know what misconception he got when he heard of "mortal enemies", but it is nothing directly lethal. This too, will heal in time. I try to ignore it and take the first step. Only for my leg to bend and me to drop on the ground, unable to move. Every breath I take burns my body and my sight blurs further.

"Let me explain how it works quickly while you still have time. You know the horn of the Volthi destroys the filtering mechanisms of your respiratory system. Of course, that's not enough. That is only where the Zo'ohnlkfei comes in. I told you it breaks the Vinshan gas down, the other part of it that it breaks is oxygen, as I said, it brings life. Can you breathe in the fresh air of life now unhindered?
Of course not, because free oxygen burns the respiratory system of the Vinley unless filtered. Get it now? That dead goat you betrayed stole your chance at survival.
Get it? Hey! Did I make it? Can you still hear me?"

"Degenerate cretin, do you really expect taking the life of Lord Qlueif Vinhewn comes without consequence?! Even if you live, your entire race will be wiped out instead! Stop this at once and I will be content with only taking your own life!"

"Too bad then Lord gross slug, the human race was already wiped out..."

Seeming disinterested, the 'human' leaves. My body burns, my vision fades...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author's Notes

Terms:

Comments:

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Mon Dec 16, 2013 8:02 pm

Triple posting cuz power abuse. Anyways, a notice since deadline is today (not really, but let's say it is, it's the last week so it's not like it gets into next week or whatever).

After your last chapter, or with it, you may post author's notes of anything you want to make known about the chapter, from terminology, difficulties you faced or even excuses (which I know I am using) about how it came out. By the way, will post mine later, no time left now.

After submissions close, those who want to, can read all the works here and comment on them or give advice collectively. This is of course not limited to those that submitted a work.
After commentary time is over, we can do fixes on our works and submit them all together in a new post. Finally, the final versions of the works here are taken (if you did not fix anything, the final version is the first version) and posted properly in a new topic, with all the different chapters of the same author in a single post.

That's it for how this whole writer's guild thing works.

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Tue Dec 17, 2013 2:56 am

Al-bhed wrote:: Triple posting cuz power abuse. Anyways, a notice since deadline is today (not really, but let's say it is, it's the last week so it's not like it gets into next week or whatever).

After your last chapter, or with it, you may post author's notes of anything you want to make known about the chapter, from terminology, difficulties you faced or even excuses (which I know I am using) about how it came out. By the way, will post mine later, no time left now.

After submissions close, those who want to, can read all the works here and comment on them or give advice collectively. This is of course not limited to those that submitted a work.
After commentary time is over, we can do fixes on our works and submit them all together in a new post. Finally, the final versions of the works here are taken (if you did not fix anything, the final version is the first version) and posted properly in a new topic, with all the different chapters of the same author in a single post.

That's it for how this whole writer's guild thing works.

I thought you said that I would be the one doing more work here 0.0

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Tue Dec 17, 2013 9:40 am

Author Notes for Souls of Demons with me! The author! I know! Crazy right!?

This whole series is based off Demon Souls so I can't just make anything up besides the main character and reason he is there, shit gotta make sense ya'know what I mean? Nightsdale and the characters there I can make up because the lore of Demon Souls doesn't talk about the world outside the Deep Fog so I can get creative there.

Also I'm starting FGN up again so I'll shall go and only post two chapters a season.

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Fri Dec 20, 2013 9:58 am

With that submissions are over.
From here on, if you have read any works, please leave your comments and suggestions on them (post limit and character limit no longer apply in this part). If you have not read them, please do so if you have the time and comment to help the authors. You don't have to have submitted anything to help with critique. The participants then can use that advice to help them with revising their work and making changes if they feel there should be any before they are posted in order in a separate topic.
Thanks.

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Sun Dec 22, 2013 8:46 am

Received permission from Al-Bhed to post.

Spoiler:

http://www.worldduelingacademy.com/t6873-otakus-in-orange-chapter-iv#60185

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Mon Dec 23, 2013 12:46 pm

I now that critique from me sounds weird when my work is a mess, but I'll put it up anyways, I'd be glad if some stuff got better, as a reader.

Let's start with Kimo's works.

In general, for otakus in orange,
to my great surprise it was enjoyable (don't blame me for expecting little, otaku references, wda cameos, my expectations were not high, sorry). While I have multiple complaints, the appropriately nonsensical theme about it makes it fun as it is finely delivered. It would be awkward if the characters actually got superimposed by wda members, but whether it is intentional or not, that is hardly ever the case, for example rather than a character based on me, Akio feels more like a character based on Gintoki, and I am totally fine with it, I believe being able to stray completely from the constraints of cameos of people you know gives the potential for better characters.

On to specific chapters.
Chapter 1 did well to set the theme, stage and characters. In fact I'd say that as far as useful content is concerned, it has by far more than the next two chapters. In the end in such cases, human interactions take precedence over event descriptions. A complaint I had here was forced information, the biggest example being Kichirou

Quote :: "Ah," he sighed as his eyes went wide, "what is the universe based on? Are we the governors, or the governed?"

I understand it was trying to explain a character trait, but he had nothing to go on off there at the time, nothing that could have triggered it and even if there were, it didn't seem like something even someone like Kichirou (as he is described) would intently think about, at least not as vaguely. Things like that feel really off and tend to disconnect you from the story. A fix, I imagine, that would still maintain the Kichirou exposition there would be something leading into it and a more appropriate quote, at least for this particular case (it is not the only one).

Chapter 2
Well, as I said before, less content because event, that's natural. However, other than information delivered in conversations being too convenient, I feel that the resolution was too simple, even with tied with the next chapter. Nothing that can be done about that now, but events could be a bit more imaginative in the future, although for 4 chapters a month, that could be too much work to do. In the end, there's nothing wrong with rushing content at this stage. Still, it would be more fun if there was more creativity in the events.

Chapter 3
The overall plot of it had a simplicity carrying over from chapter 2, but while simplistic here too (in a toilet humour kind of way, literally I guess), due to escalating and setting up the next chapter which was good, it is a bit better. Still, it feels like it was trying to make up for the simple resolution of the previous one. Now, a big issue with this chapter is the mass transformation of characters, with the "bullies" of the previous chapter literally becoming other people, which was pretty weird. Now, if you ask me, I prefer the chapter 3 "bullies" to the chapter 2 "bullies" but that would also be cleaning after some rushed parts of chapter 2 (or at least what seem to be like that).

Chapter 4
Again, due to the introduction of characters (a character and the existence of another basically, but still) and additional setting, this one again had more useful information and was more interesting, which I liked. At this stage, there is nothing much that I can say other than the fact you really need to re-read and fix the errors in this one, certain sentences can't even be deciphered.

On to Leokane's stuff

I'm ashamed to say I have not played Souls games. I'm also ashamed to say I don't really enjoy gritty medieval fantasy sword action stuff that much. I know, manliness just dropped by at least 17%.
Also, I will speak of all of it in one place instead of the 2 chapters separately, since my comments are similar. It's generally decently written outside of errors that can be fixed easily (major abuse of "and" at the latter part of chapter 1, for example). I still feel you need to re-read both chapters slowly though to catch some smaller errors, of which there are quite a few, while I may have seen a missing negative somewhere, which of course alters the meaning of the sentence entirely. Other than that, certain dialogue lines could be reworded to better match the characters and/or setting, for example a line like “Don’t worry I promise nothing will befall Viren in any negative way.” feels really off there.
As far as the story is concerned, it's obviously the prologue and I imagine it will change quite a bit in the latest chapters, so nothing much to say on the theme. I will however say that I am interested in reading the continuation and follow it.

Alibaba's work,
needs proof reading like Ben Affleck needs acting school, as a certain Team would say. Capitalization in particular is josh level. Other than that, since it was clearly made for more chapters and Ali is dead at the moment, there is not much I can comment on without having at least one more chapter, so I can't really help as things are. It could be on the mark, it could be off, who knows. What I do know though is that the first letter of a sentence is not the only one that gets capitalized.

Reikan's thingy,
I could act pretentious and say I dig fairy tales, but that would be pretentious, and a lie. Also, it's 3 paragraphs, there is not that much I can say on the story. I can say the writing was fairy tale like. You have captured the fairy tale-ness. Mostly. That.

Subject: Re: Writer's Guild - Season 1 Sun Dec 29, 2013 2:27 am

I'll be posting the final versions in a single topic, putting together all the same author stuff to make a finalized version. You can make modifications to your stuff and you can exceed the 10k limit by a little while doing that. If your current version is your final, just pm me the final texts or link me to the topics that have them if you have made other topics for your work. If you want to make updates, after you make them, again either pm me the final text or link the topic if you made one. In the meanwhile, if anyone wants to add comments to the works here, you can still do that.

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