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 Scroll of Marxies

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Leokane
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PostSubject: Scroll of Marxies   Scroll of Marxies EmptyTue Jan 22, 2013 6:29 pm

Thought I'd contribute something and not be some weird loner stalker who doesn't post anything but just stays in the back. Here is a short story me and some friends wrote. We broke it up into chapters so I wrote chapter 4 so if you notice any difference in writing style that's why so here you go the Scroll of Marxies.

Chapter 1

Leaf-fall, 12, 107 L.N., The war was coming to an end. Finally us soldiers of Norak were finishing the war. Our Great Golem was sent to Lokina and destroyed two of their towns. However, this is not the story we are telling. Our story is about the aiding of South Genera. We inserted our battalion into South Genera. This is where it all began.

I was among the first deployed. Our mission was simple: Support. Personally, I was tired of support. All we did was take shifts on patrol and the occasional wolf kill. This time it was different. We arrived in the middle of a festival. Everybody was cheering and eating and gallantly strolling along. Nobles were hugging peasants. The sick hobbled onto the rocky streets. Street vendors were throwing food into the street. It was an absolutely beautiful sight.

We saw nothing really. Some of the carriages stopped coming from the North. Didn't seem like much at first. Some group led by Genarian leaders made a trusteeship. Our leader and the Grandusian leader seemed interested in Genera a bit too much. It almost seemed like they wanted Genera for themselves. I didn't get involved though. A guard has no right to question a King.

A few days went by and I was assigned North border duty. It wasn't that hard. All we did was sit at our post and trade stories. Then we started noticing Northerners walking South. After stopping them for questioning, we realized that Grandus was already making it's move on North Genera. Normally, we would send them right back, but we couldn't just send them back into oppression. So we sneaked some people across the border.

Kalak-ja, our leader at the time, had an amazing change of heart and thought about giving Genera back to the Genarians. Grandus, however, was angered by this. I guess Norak and Grandus just didn't see eye to eye. Though, many people apparently agreed with us. War was looming over us like a dark cloud. Utopia was at our backs but the Grandus/North Genera alliance wasn't backing down. We were in for a fight.

Elections were held for the first ever Genarian Lord. Excitement was everywhere. People had banners all over the place rooting for their candidates. Looked almost like Norak during election year. Grandus still exerted dictator-like behavior, and banned the election in North Genera. I couldn't take it anymore. I went straight to Kalak-ja and demanded we free the North from Grandus rule. Then, he told me something I will never forget. He said:

"Marxies, you are the only true warrior in my army. You can feel a battle coming and you are already rushing into battle. However, attacking a country with little to no threat to us is making us wrong. I know about it all. The immigrants, the bore of support, all of it. I'm glad you feel compassion, a true warrior does, but most leaders are not true warriors. We will seem murderous if we go to battle. Utopia will abandon us. We simply will not win."

A Voice of Reason group was created after the votes. Redmon was elected as first president. He was the first to oppose Lokina's rule during the grand battle. He helps elders cross crowded areas, plays with kids, and even tends to the sickly. He's an idol for most young men and a father figure for most orphaned children. It seems only natural he would win.

Grandus, infuriated by Norak's involvement in Genera's politics, made sure their message was heard by drawing a line on the border. They said if anyone crosses the line, blood will be spilt. Kalak-ja screamed to Utopia for a preemptive strike on the upcoming war with no avail. At least now we all knew a war was coming. True warrior or lowly beggar, we all readied ourselves for battle.

Chapter 2


The election was not as we anticipated. Redmon purged the South of communist and made them, out of anger, sneak to the North to prepare for the imminent battle. In fact, Redmon didn't even want us here. He saw us as just using them for personal gain. Publicly, I detested his opinion, but in truth he was right. All we did was push them in a direction we thought was right. Eventually, Grandus left the North, but we stayed to "improve South Genera's security". I didn't believe a word of it. Then, suddenly, we left Genera. Everyone but a few hundreds left and, in a way, I felt a little sad to leave. I felt like I helped a lot of people, but I was happy there was less oppression.

The North Generan leader, Nasher, was a crude, and short fellow. His ideas always made people kind of like him. Though, he did have the entire army at his back so you really didn't have a choice. Many statues were erected in his honor. I thought it was a bit overkill having his face everywhere, but no one could say anything without punishment. Again, I could do nothing to change it. At this point, I really hated being a simple soldier.

Out of nowhere, North Genera attacked the South. Utopia was instantly condemning the invasion but it was no use. Before I knew it, I was back in Genera. This time on horseback, riding into battle. It was perfect. This wasn't going to be boring, nor was I in some hushed conspiracy to take over a country. This was war, and war is what a true warrior needs once in awhile.

Chapter 3


This war was harder than anticipated. We were out numbered and continuously got pushed back. However, we set up a defensive border further South to stop the advance. We wouldn't be defeated that easily. When we reached the border, we started playing defence until we could get an opening and strike.

"We won't fall men!" Our generals screamed.

Most of us didn't believe him. Too many of our friends had fallen already. We would spend hours trying to wash the blood off our hands and faces. The burns from the fireballs were painful enough to make an Ogre cry. Yet we fought, and we kept fighting for over an entire moon. Our supplies never ran low and Norak constantly sent men to our aid. I almost felt invincible, but the blood still reminded us we are too weak to truly win.

The time came when we could counter their forces. We launched an assault on Frolin. I rode on horseback to the battle that would change the outcome of the war. My sword was ready for blood. As soon as we got into sight of the place, their arrows were in the sky. Our High Sorcerer instantly turned them into sand which whipped our faces. Today, I still wonder why he used that instead of changing them into birds or something less harmful than sand.

Anyway, we got closer and had to brace the magic casters. Some of our men fell, but the Sorcerers banished most of the magic before it hit us. We ran straight into their camp and started slicing. There was decapitations and torso cuts. My blood was filled with so much fury that it seemed to be controlling my arms. Blood was everywhere and my eyes saw only saw red. That's when I blacked out.

When I came to, a man was pleading for his life before me. Our soldiers were attempting to pull me away.

"What the hell are you doing, soldier?!" Shouted one general.

I dropped my sword and slowly turned around. Looking around, I saw the village was completely destroyed. Fire erupting out of destroyed houses and bodies being piled on bodies to burn. Though for some reason, I was loving my ability to do this. I was slowly descending into madness. Maybe I was just wasn't going to go to war. Maybe I'll just retire and live a happy life. Deep down I knew I would be controlled by my bloodlust.

The next day, we attempted to take the mystic divide. During the ride, a lot of men were staying a good distance away from me. That's when I realized I was still covered in civilian blood. I pretended not to notice. We were arriving at the divide. Magic was useless here due to the strange mist that lingers, so this was more of a transport hub. I was scared of blacking out again so I tried to take it easy, but as soon I saw the an enemy fall, my vision started to blur. I tried to fight it, but I couldn't. I was consumed by the dark energy within me.

This time, I woke with a large, muscular hand on my chest pinning me to the ground. His hand looked as though he could crush a brick without much effort. His chest was as wide as I was tall. His face was rugged, his eyes piercing. He had armor that was dull silver. His arm had pulsing veins as though struggling to hold me down. He saw the change in my expression and pulled his gargantuan hand off of me. A hand-shaped dent was left in my armor. He seemed relieved that I was no longer under the bloodlust.

"You're pretty strong, especially for someone as petite as you" He said.

His voice powerful, but kind.

"Or maybe it was just your bloodlust."

He laughed cheerily. My voice had started to come back.

"Why are you laughing?" I rasped

"I must be going mad."

He laughed again.

"You just can't control it yet, that's all. I was just like you. Blood drove me into a rage. I would black out and wake up in a forest or something. After much meditation, I realized, all I had to do is merge my monster with my conscience and I could give orders. Well, that's what I did."

He walked over to a nice, thick tree and chopped it down in one enormous swing of his blade. He then sat down on the stump that was left.

"By the way, I'm Malarok. You should join my battalion." He said.

Startled, I said yes.

Malarok and I trained for about a month. I was so very close to complete control. Yet I still couldn't keep control for too long. Well, maybe I wasn't supposed to.

Chapter 4


After the battle of the Mystic Border and Frolin, Malarok ordered us to the Northernmost Provinces of Genera. As we were travelling to the Provinces we found that the South Generian forces were Annihilated by the Rolamian forces, only a few of them were either dying or injured. Days later, as we were deep in North Generian territory, we saw that the land lacked the presence of North Generian forces. And then, before we could think, the Rolamian forces ambushed us, forcing us back to the Iron River which we held out a defensive position for a few minutes, but as the Rolamians were advancing, our defense was broken by our weak defenses in one flank which was held by the new recruits who had barely any experience. Then, after a few more minutes, the Rolamians looked as if they were retreating when they looked like they were on the winning hand. They were going back into the Mountains where they hid.

Almost a month later, the Utopian forces ordered their Offensive division on the "Return By Snowfall" assault. Even when they had massive amount of soldiers, the Rolamians stuck with their Ambush Tactic and dominated the battlefield with this Strategy. In fact, our leader, Kalak-Ja was suggesting to use the Great Golem that destroyed Lokina in the earlier years. Our general Uro was killed in Carriage accident that took everyone in and around the Carriage. Many of our men were angered by this and accused the Rolamians of sabotaging the Carriage. That's when we went out for a covert opperation that Malarok chose us for.

"Are we there yet?" a soldier gasped.

"Keep your voice down or we might get found out..." whispered Malarok.

"Why?" the soldier retorted.

"No one is here but the five of us."

"There are five of us because we are supposed to be quiet," I whispered to him.

He never ever does what he is told unless yelled at. I have no idea why they chose him for a highly classified mission to sneak into the enemy base.

"So I heard Kolo was in the area, what will we do if he finds us?" one of the soldiers asked aloud.

"We kill him, simple as that." Malarok stated.

That is the coldest I've ever seen Malarok. I mean he is cold to his enemy but whenever Kolo is mentioned he has a dark expression on his face. It seems he has a personal vendetta with Kolo for whatever reason, it seems their more than just enemies.

"I sure hope so, I heard he is not human." a soldier said.

"Yeah." agreed another.

"I heard he was sent from hell to help out the north."

"Silly rumors, nothing more." Malarok replied.

"He is just a man like the rest of us, but he is skilled in what he does."

"And what would that be?" a soldier asked.

"Killing" a mysterious voiced answered.

As soon as we could realise what just happened one of our soldiers fell dead on the ground, his head rolling to my feet and eyes looking into mine. I've been in my fair share a battles and have seen death before but it was so sudden and the look on is face...he never saw it coming.

"Get ready men!" Malarok shouted.

"It seems we have company"

"Indeed you do." the mysterious voice replied.

Slowly the shadowy figure stepped out of the comfort of darkness and showed himself, it was Kolo. He had dark armor almost as black as night with deadly looking sword in his hand. Where the hilt meets the hand was a skull with the sharp blade coming out the mouth. I've heard the soldiers call it the Sharp Tongue since he tends to let his sword do most of the talking. His helmet was just as dark as his armor and I could barely make out what his face looked like. He had pale skin and from what I could tell short hair since I didn't see any strands of hair from his helm. It seemed like his eyes glowed red and he gave a cold stare which made me think he was more of a demon than a man.

He slowly walked towards us and asked, "Why did you dare come here?"

Malarok replied, "We were going to scout out your base but it seems we got something better, a chance to kill you."

There is his dark expression again. Kolo gives me the shivers but Malarok, he is so friendly that seeing him like this scares me more than Kolo does.

"Men attack!" Malarok shouted.

We then rushed Kolo. "He couldn't get us all right?" I assumed. He danced past the first soldier, stabbing the second soldier between the eyes. He then ripped his sword out of the fresh wound and swung back at the first soldier; severing the head clean off.

I tried taking advantage of his back being turned but somehow he slithered around me and kicked me to the side of the road. The last soldier who was the one who was talking about Kolo not being human panicked. He screamed and tried to run but Kolo was just too fast for the poor lad and quickly killed him with a quick stab to the neck. As the soldier's body fell to the ground I suddenly realized that it was only me and Malarok left. He gave a stare that meant one thing, stay low.

I quickly leaped behind some huge rocks and looked from afar at what was going on. It seemed like forever that they were standing there just staring at each other. It seem like they could kill each other with just their stares alone. I then saw a feather falling from the sky gracefully. It slowly descended until it hit the ground and at that moment, they attack at each other. Swords clashed punches were thrown kicks landed and both fighters never let up the assault. Malarok landed a solid kick to Kolo's chest and he went flying back and hit the ground hard. Kolo cursed at the ground and jumped to his feet and rushed Malarok. Kolo was glowing a tint of red and seemed like he was going faster and faster till the point he was just a blur and then he suddenly vanished. Malarok was on his guard but no one could block what they can't see.

Kolo appeared out of nowhere jabbed Malarok in the back and tried to follow up with a sword slash but Malarok ducked before Kolo could cut his head off. Malarok tried and jabbed at Kolo who dodged it with ease. Kolo swung at Malarok who tried to dodge but got cut on the shoulder with the tip of Kolo's sword. Blood dripped down Malarok's arm and while it didn't look fatal, he sure wasn't going to hit as hard with that arm now.

A smirk appeared on Kolo's face as he went in for a stab. Malarok parried with his gauntlet and jab Kolo at his head, it hit full force. Kolo's head snapped back and it almost seemed like his head was going to come off, instead he flew back and hit the ground,hard. His body rolled across the ground and then came to a stop. He laid there silent and motionless. I was sure he was dead so I went to walk up to him.

"Wait!" Malarok shouted.

I stopped in my tracks wondering why he would say that until I looked back at Kolo. He had a black flame on his body and he quickly burned up until nothing was left of him.

"Did he die?" I asked.

"No..." said Malarok. "...he left the battle to heal up. Come let us report back and tell of today."

He slowly turned and walked away with me catching up to follow him.

Chapter 5


After the spy fiasco, Malarok was pretty distant. Eventually, he retired. We still fought valiantly, but we could only keep a stalemate. Eventually, we came to an agreement and ended the war.


Last edited by Leokane on Sat Jan 26, 2013 3:46 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Digi)
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PostSubject: Re: Scroll of Marxies   Scroll of Marxies EmptyThu Jan 24, 2013 3:19 pm

Ahhh, nice read.
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Leokane
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PostSubject: Re: Scroll of Marxies   Scroll of Marxies EmptyThu Jan 24, 2013 3:56 pm

Thanks! I'm already working on another story, this time solo. Gonna take a long time though since I have no idea how to continue it right now.
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PostSubject: Re: Scroll of Marxies   Scroll of Marxies EmptyFri Jan 25, 2013 5:45 am

Just a note before I begin reading, it really helps readers if you format your paragraphs and chapter notifications properly. For example:

Before:

Leokane wrote:
Thought I'd contribute something and not be some weird loner stalker who doesn't post anything but just stays in the back. Here is a short story me and some friends wrote. We broke it up into chapters so I wrote chapter 4 so if you notice any difference in writing style that's why so here you go the Scroll of Marxies.

After:

Leokane wrote:
Thought I'd contribute something and not be some weird loner stalker who doesn't post anything but just stays in the back. Here is a short story me and some friends wrote. We broke it up into chapters so I wrote chapter 4 so if you notice any difference in writing style that's why so here you go the Scroll of Marxies.

It would help if you put some sort of indication that your preface has some line separation, colors, italicizing, or even a spoiler to indicate the text is apart of the author's comments/preface rather than the actual story. Even stating that part is the preface would help.

Another thing that can be worked on is the actual chapter separations themselves. It would help if you had the chapters in a larger font, centered, and underlined to indicate that the reader is moving onto another chapter in the story. For example:

Before:

Leokane wrote:
Grandus, infuriated by Norak's involvement in Genera's politics, made sure their message was heard by drawing a line on the border. They said if anyone crosses the line, blood will be spilt. Kalak-ja screamed to Utopia for a preemptive strike on the upcoming war with no avail. At least now we all knew a war was coming. True warrior or lowly beggar, we all readied ourselves for battle.

Chapter 2
The election was not as we anticipated. Redmon purged the South of communist and made them, out of anger, sneak to the North to prepare for the imminent battle. In fact, Redmon didn't even want us here. He saw us as just using them for personal gain. Publicly, I detested his opinion, but in truth he was right. All we did was push them in a direction we thought was right. Eventually, Grandus left the North, but we stayed to "improve South Genera's security". I didn't believe a word of it. Then, suddenly, we left Genera. Everyone but a few hundreds left and, in a way, I felt a little sad to leave. I felt like I helped a lot of people, but I was happy there was less oppression.

After:

Leokane wrote:
Grandus, infuriated by Norak's involvement in Genera's politics, made sure their message was heard by drawing a line on the border. They said if anyone crosses the line, blood will be spilt. Kalak-ja screamed to Utopia for a preemptive strike on the upcoming war with no avail. At least now we all knew a war was coming. True warrior or lowly beggar, we all readied ourselves for battle.

Chapter 2:

The election was not as we anticipated. Redmon purged the South of communist and made them, out of anger, sneak to the North to prepare for the imminent battle. In fact, Redmon didn't even want us here. He saw us as just using them for personal gain. Publicly, I detested his opinion, but in truth he was right. All we did was push them in a direction we thought was right. Eventually, Grandus left the North, but we stayed to "improve South Genera's security". I didn't believe a word of it. Then, suddenly, we left Genera. Everyone but a few hundreds left and, in a way, I felt a little sad to leave. I felt like I helped a lot of people, but I was happy there was less oppression.

Another thing I have an issue with is the run-on paragraph due to dialogue. When you are telling a story, you need to separate the speech to give a smoother reading experience. It also helps the reader imagine the conversation between multiple speakers.

Before:

Leokane wrote:
"Are we there yet," a soldier gasped. "Keep your voice down or we might get found out," whispered Malarok. "Why?" the soldier retorted, "No one is here but the five of us." "There are five of us because we are supposed to be quiet," I whispered to him. He never ever does what he is told unless yelled at so I have no idea why they chose him for a highly classified mission to sneak into the enemy base. "So I heard Kolo was in the area, what will we do if he finds us?" one of the soldiers asked aloud. "We kill him, simple as that." Malarok stated. That is the coldest I've ever seen Malarok. I mean he is cold to his enemy but whenever Kolo is mentioned he has a dark expression on his face. It seems he has a personal vendetta with Kolo for whatever reason, it seems their more than just enemies. "I sure hope so, I heard he is not human." a soldier said. "Yeah." agreed another. "I heard he was sent from hell to help out the north." "Silly rumors, nothing more." Malarok replied. "He is just a man like the rest of us, but he is skilled in what he does." "And what would that be?" a soldier asked. "Killing" a mysterious voiced answered. As soon as we could realise what just happened one of our soldiers fell dead on the ground, his head rolling to my feet and eyes looking into mine. I've been in my fair share a battles and have seen death before but it was so sudden and the look on is face...he never saw it coming. "Get ready men!" Malarok shouted. "It seems we have company" "Indeed you do." the mysterious voice replied. Slowly the shadowy figure stepped out of the comfort of darkness and showed himself, it was Kolo. He had dark armor almost as black as night with deadly looking sword in his hand. Where the hilt meets the hand was a skull with the sharp blade coming out the mouth. I've heard the soldiers call it the Sharp Tongue since he tends to let his sword do most of the talking. His helmet was just as dark as his armor and I could barely make out what his face looked like. He had pale skin and from what I could tell short hair since I didn't see any strands of hair from his helm. It seemed like his eyes glowed red and he gave a cold stare which made me think he was more of a demon than a man. He slowly walked towards us and asked. "Why did you dare come here?" Malarok replied. "We were going to scout out your base but it seems we got something better, a chance to kill you." There is his dark expression again. Kolo gives me the shivers but Malarok, he is so friendly that seeing him like this scares me more than Kolo does. "Men attack!" Malarok shouted. We rushed Kolo. He couldn't get us all right? He danced past the first soldier and went and stab the second soldier between the eyes and in pulling his sword out swung back at the first soldier and cut his head clean off. I tried taking advantage of his back being turned but somehow he slithered around me and kicked me to the side of the road. The last soldier who was the one who was talking about Kolo not being human panicked. He screamed and tried to run but Kolo was just too fast for the poor lad and quickly killed him with a quick stab to the neck. As the soldier's body fell to the ground I suddenly realised that it was only me and Malarok left. He gave a stare that meant one thing, stay low. I quickly leaped behind some huge rocks and looked from afar at what was going on. It seemed like forever that they were standing there just staring at each other. It seem like they could kill each other with just their stares alone. I then saw a feather falling from the sky gracefully. It slowly decended until it hit the ground and at that moment, they attack at each other. Swords clashed punches were thrown kicks landed and both fighters never let up the assault. Malarok landed a solid kick to Kolo's chest and he went flying back and hit the ground hard. Kolo cursed at the ground and jumped to his feet and rushed Malarok. Kolo was glowing a tint of red and seemed like he was going faster and faster till the point he was just a blur and then he suddenly vanished. Malarok was on his guard but no one could block what they can't see. Kolo appeared out of nowhere jabbed Malarok in the back and tried to follow up with a sword slash but Malarok ducked before Kolo could cut his head off. Malarok tried and jabbed at Kolo who dodged it with ease. Kolo swung at Malarok who tried to dodge but got cut on the shoulder with the tip of Kolo's sword. Blood dripped down Malarok's arm and while it didn't look fatal, he sure wasn't going to hit as hard with that arm now. A smirk appeared on Kolo's face as he went in for a stab. Malarok parried with his gauntlet and jab Kolo at his head, it hit full force. Kolo's head snapped back and it almost seemed like his head was going to come off, instead he flew back and hit the ground,hard. His body rolled across the ground and then came to a stop. He laid there silent and motionless. I was sure he was dead so I went to walk up to him. "Wait!" Malarok shouted. I stopped in my tracks wondering why he would say that until I looked back at Kolo. He had a black flame on his body and he quickly burned up until nothing was left of him. "Did he die?" I asked. "No." said Malarok. "He left the battle to heal up, come let us report back and tell of today." He slowly turned and walked away with me catching up to follow him.

After:

Leokane wrote:
"Are we there yet?" a soldier gasped.

"Keep your voice down or we might get found out..." whispered Malarok.

"Why?" the soldier retorted.

"No one is here but the five of us."

"There are five of us because we are supposed to be quiet," I whispered to him.

He never ever does what he is told unless yelled at. I have no idea why they chose him for a highly classified mission to sneak into the enemy base.

"So I heard Kolo was in the area, what will we do if he finds us?" one of the soldiers asked aloud.

"We kill him, simple as that." Malarok stated.

That is the coldest I've ever seen Malarok. I mean he is cold to his enemy but whenever Kolo is mentioned he has a dark expression on his face. It seems he has a personal vendetta with Kolo for whatever reason, it seems their more than just enemies.

"I sure hope so, I heard he is not human." a soldier said.

"Yeah." agreed another.

"I heard he was sent from hell to help out the north."

"Silly rumors, nothing more." Malarok replied.

"He is just a man like the rest of us, but he is skilled in what he does."

"And what would that be?" a soldier asked.

"Killing" a mysterious voiced answered.

As soon as we could realise what just happened one of our soldiers fell dead on the ground, his head rolling to my feet and eyes looking into mine. I've been in my fair share a battles and have seen death before but it was so sudden and the look on is face...he never saw it coming.

"Get ready men!" Malarok shouted.

"It seems we have company"

"Indeed you do." the mysterious voice replied.

Slowly the shadowy figure stepped out of the comfort of darkness and showed himself, it was Kolo. He had dark armor almost as black as night with deadly looking sword in his hand. Where the hilt meets the hand was a skull with the sharp blade coming out the mouth. I've heard the soldiers call it the Sharp Tongue since he tends to let his sword do most of the talking. His helmet was just as dark as his armor and I could barely make out what his face looked like. He had pale skin and from what I could tell short hair since I didn't see any strands of hair from his helm. It seemed like his eyes glowed red and he gave a cold stare which made me think he was more of a demon than a man.

He slowly walked towards us and asked, "Why did you dare come here?"

Malarok replied, "We were going to scout out your base but it seems we got something better, a chance to kill you."

There is his dark expression again. Kolo gives me the shivers but Malarok, he is so friendly that seeing him like this scares me more than Kolo does.

"Men attack!" Malarok shouted.

We then rushed Kolo. "He couldn't get us all right?" I assumed. He danced past the first soldier, stabbing the second soldier between the eyes. He then ripped his sword out of the fresh wound and swung back at the first soldier; severing the head clean off.

I tried taking advantage of his back being turned but somehow he slithered around me and kicked me to the side of the road. The last soldier who was the one who was talking about Kolo not being human panicked. He screamed and tried to run but Kolo was just too fast for the poor lad and quickly killed him with a quick stab to the neck. As the soldier's body fell to the ground I suddenly realized that it was only me and Malarok left. He gave a stare that meant one thing, stay low.

I quickly leaped behind some huge rocks and looked from afar at what was going on. It seemed like forever that they were standing there just staring at each other. It seem like they could kill each other with just their stares alone. I then saw a feather falling from the sky gracefully. It slowly descended until it hit the ground and at that moment, they attack at each other. Swords clashed punches were thrown kicks landed and both fighters never let up the assault. Malarok landed a solid kick to Kolo's chest and he went flying back and hit the ground hard. Kolo cursed at the ground and jumped to his feet and rushed Malarok. Kolo was glowing a tint of red and seemed like he was going faster and faster till the point he was just a blur and then he suddenly vanished. Malarok was on his guard but no one could block what they can't see.

Kolo appeared out of nowhere jabbed Malarok in the back and tried to follow up with a sword slash but Malarok ducked before Kolo could cut his head off. Malarok tried and jabbed at Kolo who dodged it with ease. Kolo swung at Malarok who tried to dodge but got cut on the shoulder with the tip of Kolo's sword. Blood dripped down Malarok's arm and while it didn't look fatal, he sure wasn't going to hit as hard with that arm now.

A smirk appeared on Kolo's face as he went in for a stab. Malarok parried with his gauntlet and jab Kolo at his head, it hit full force. Kolo's head snapped back and it almost seemed like his head was going to come off, instead he flew back and hit the ground,hard. His body rolled across the ground and then came to a stop. He laid there silent and motionless. I was sure he was dead so I went to walk up to him.

"Wait!" Malarok shouted.

I stopped in my tracks wondering why he would say that until I looked back at Kolo. He had a black flame on his body and he quickly burned up until nothing was left of him.

"Did he die?" I asked.

"No..." said Malarok. "...he left the battle to heal up. Come let us report back and tell of today."

He slowly turned and walked away with me catching up to follow him.

I only edited about half of the paragraphs. Some of the grammar that I corrected will be shown in bold. Please be sure to edit your original draft and make sure it has proper grammar and proper presentation.
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Leokane
Zombie Child
 Zombie Child
Leokane


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Waifu : Leokane
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PostSubject: Re: Scroll of Marxies   Scroll of Marxies EmptyFri Jan 25, 2013 2:55 pm

I make sure to edit when I can. You did edit my whole part since that run-on paragraph was the only thing that I wrote the rest was done by other people.

Thanks for the info I'll remember it for my next story.
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