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 Shrine Maiden of Faith

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Jain vi Bookshelvia
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Jain vi Bookshelvia


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PostSubject: Shrine Maiden of Faith   Shrine Maiden of Faith EmptyThu Jun 20, 2013 8:13 pm

Author: Jain vi Bookshelvia (Kamikaze-dono)
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
Description: After having her soul merged with the Magician of Faith, Téa Gardner discovers new friends, allies, and with a road of her own self-discovery. "We've got spellcards too. It's just a lot flashier." "I doubt it's flashier than ours." A YuGiOh/Touhou Crossover. Features Téa as a strong and independent duelist with a unique deck. Begins from Episode 13 of Season 1. (AU)




Téa Gardner had the strangest dream. 

She had thought of herself and her friends role-playing as their favorite Duel Monsters, literally shrunken down and standing atop the actual cards themselves.

The stranger part was how there were two 'Yugi's and two 'Bakura's. Two of which were playing as the duelists while their smaller counterparts were on the game alongside her, herself siding with the 'Yugi's.

The details were hazed in a fog of befuddlement.

Yet, there was two things that stood out like a beacon in that murky memory.

One was the vision of how Joey nobly sacrificed himself for his comrades against the Man-Eater Bug. The despair of watching her close friend vanishing in a veil light gripped her heart like a vice.

The second was the surge of power that followed afterwards. 

Something within her told her that reality was something that could be changed. That she could change the reality that her friend had died.

All that it asked in return was to truly believe in her and this power.

And she believed.

Everything after that was a blur, she remembered the joy of victory and blacking out.

As of now, she was currently falling through a void of darkness where glimmering red eyes stared at her as she fell through the abyss.

With a rush of air, Téa found herself on her bottom, landing on a smooth stone floor. Wisps of clouds floated by, the air thin making it somewhat difficult to breathe and shrouding her vision from seeing anything too far.

"Ugh..." The brunette muttered. "Where am I?"

"Well..." A high-pitched voice rang from the left of her. "You're not in Japan, I'll tell you that much."

Tea turned and saw another girl before her. Her outfit consisted of a white kimono with detached sleeves. Light blue with white polka-dotted trims adorned the torso while the mid rift and below consisted of a dark purple with white polka dots as well. Her light green hair reached to the hips, one side was decorated with a frog-shaped hairclip while the other had a snake-shaped accessory wrapped around a lock of hair. Her skin tone was light lie her own, her hands gripping at a worn straw broom in mid-sweep. Light blue eyes locked with her own.

The girl smiled and dropped the broom, it falling to the ground with a clatter. She dusted her hands on her skirt and extended one of them in greeting. "I take it you're in high school, judging by the uniform. I'm Sanae Kochiya. Who're you?"

Before she could reply, a sense of vertigo took her by surprise and she was walling through the void with the eyes once more.



Téa found herself lying between Tristan and Joey, not far from the tree stump she had been battling on earlier. She rubbed the sleepiness out of her eyes and yawned deeply. She opened her eyes and looked around, not sure of the situation.

"Sleep well, guys?"

She saw the smiling visage of her classmate and friend Bakura, somewhat cheekier than his usual demure demeanor. 

Laughing with the others as Joey and Tristan grabbed one another in fright, Téa put a finger to her mouth in thought, thinking of the strange dream she had. "I dreamt... we were dressed up as Duel Monsters... And there were two Yugis!"

Bakura and Yugi chuckled sheepishly as they looked at one another.

A shriek of terror rang through the foliage.

Wait, she recognized that voice...

Everyone turned to where the sound originated.

"Whoa!" Joey commented. "What was that?"

"I don't know", Yugi replied. "But whatever it is, we'll face it together."

As they gathered their things, Téa gasped when she picked up her card off the tree stump.

The card had been completely changed; the portrait had changed to the same girl she saw from the dream she had.

And atop the card, the title read as:

Shrine Maiden of Faith Betasa11

"Téa?" Joey shouted. "You comin' or what?"

"I'll be right there!" She placed the card back into her deck box and joined her friends in pursuit of the scream.





Tell me what you think! I'm open to any suggestions. 

And if I get enough comments, I might even add more early.

(If you're curious about the card image, it's because Téa didn't read the card's effects before she put it away.)


Last edited by Jain vi Bookshelvia on Thu Jun 20, 2013 10:25 pm; edited 5 times in total
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danna45
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PostSubject: Re: Shrine Maiden of Faith   Shrine Maiden of Faith EmptyThu Jun 20, 2013 9:26 pm

Well, advice/feedback incomin'. It's a short one, and as unreliable as a monkey without hands to climb trees.

First of all, first person pov would work with this better, considering how much focus Tea is getting. Not mandatory, but would be easier if you intend to focus on Tea a lot.

Now, writing itself. There's not a lot of descriptions, and that keeps the writing flowing more smoothly. However, the writing also feels vague, and I can't picture the scenes in my head too well. May be just me though.

Lastly, Tea suddenly woke up in an unknown place with unknown circumstances. There should be more panic and sense of mystery portrayed here.

Concept itself sounds interesting, but the excerpt should be longer, so I can read more of it :D

Well, at the end of the day, this is me, I'm only a writer wannabe, I can't exactly offer much. Best you go as J.J Knight, who actually is a writer(Although to my knowledge, he's not into Touhou), or EW_Zero who's trying to write something, and is into Touhou.
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Jain vi Bookshelvia
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PostSubject: Re: Shrine Maiden of Faith   Shrine Maiden of Faith EmptyThu Jun 20, 2013 10:28 pm

Thanks for the review!

I've done some small changes, hope you all like it.
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EW
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PostSubject: Re: Shrine Maiden of Faith   Shrine Maiden of Faith EmptyTue Jun 25, 2013 6:24 am

As danna said, I'd add some more detail into it. I like it, though.
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PostSubject: Re: Shrine Maiden of Faith   Shrine Maiden of Faith Empty

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