Sherlock Holmes
Lil Viper
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 |  Subject: idk what to call it Wed Jul 18, 2012 8:59 am | |
| Ermm,,,,,,This Prob suck's,,,so dont rage on meh. .-. - Spoiler:
Joseph awoke to a frog croaking. He was lying on his bed, in the
same position as alaways. Pillow's on the floor, blanket on the floor.
If anyone were to walk in, they would mistake him as dead. Joseph was
tall, for a boy of 16 years. He had brown shaggy hair, tan skin, and
deep green eyes. Joesph closed his eyes, and tried to fall back alseep,
but the croaking countined. Finally, he gave up, and sat up in his bed.
He rubbed his eyes to get rid eye crust that was clogging the corner of
his eyes. He swung his leg's to the side of the bed, and stood up
slowly.He looked around his room, for a fresh change of clothes. He
finally found some, in a pile toward the back of his room. He quickly
threw on a fresh shirt, and bottom, then walked toward his door. Joesph
took a few short breath's on his way to the door, as if to prepare
himself for a run. He opened the door to see Jonathon, his young
apprentace, in a mid-knock. Jonathon took a step back, and bowed his
head. "S-Sir," he said stuttering. Joesph began to walk down the
corridor, with Jonathon trailing behind him. "Sir, You are needed later
in the meeting room.", he said. "Yes, fine I will be there, and stop
calling me sir.", Joesph said. "Ok, and Happy Birthday", he said
remembering at the last moment, but Joseph had sped up his pace,
leaving Jonathon behind. Joseph jogged toward the training room. He took
a few turn's, and arrived at a steel door. He pushed it open, and was
hit with the familiar smell of sweat. He took off his shirt, not wanting
it to get wet, and folded it neatly. He walked toward a open table,
laid his shirt down, and grabbed a cup of water. Joseph looked around
the room. He decided to stretch, so he went toward his usually corner in
the room. He touched his toes and stretched his arm's and leg's. When
he was satisfied he was loose enough, he went toward the challenge mat.
There were two people sparring, and five people watching. Joseph stood
toward the back, and waited for them to finish, as he remarked to
himself the mistakes they were making. The boy who had the lead, was
depending on luck, flalling his fist's everywhere, hoping for a hit. The
younger boy on the other hand, could not put up a fight. Even though
the older boy was a beginner, he had size on his side. The younger boy
tried to come in close, for a strike to the stomach, but the older boy
hit him with a hook to his face. The younger boy curled up on the floor,
to try and limit the places for him to hit. The older boy kicked him in
the stomach several time's. The boy cried out in pain, and said stop
several times. Blood began to roll down the side of his face, and his
hand was twisted in a deranged angle to the right. The younger one tried
to stand up, but he was kicked down. Four of the boy's who were
watching, cheered him on. With one look, Joseph could tell they were all
fairly new, and thought of the older boy as there leader. As a
instructer walked in, the four boy's shifted over to the side, to block
the instucter from seeing. The younger boy was in pain. His nose was
probally broken, and he has blood running down his nose and the side of
his mouth. The one other boy, who didn't apper to be apart of his gang,
stood up in a attempt to stop him. The older boy whirled around, and
shoved him. "Dont Interfere or your next." he snarled. The younger boy
took that chance to push himself up and limp away. The older boy cursed.
"Damn," he said. "Seems like I will have to have fun with a different
fish." The older boy looked around, seeing most of the class watching
him. "So", he said. "Who want's to challenge the great Devin Ran."
Joseph stood up from the floor, deciding that he should go get ready for
the meeting, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Joseph turned around.
"What do you want", he said. Devin turned back to his friend's and
laughed. "This rat think's he is tough.", he said with a smirk. Joseph
turned around, with a bored look on his face. "Look", he said. "I really
don't have the time for this." He turned on his heel, and started to
walk toward the door. He heard a snort behind him, and he felt as stab
of pain in the back of the head. He fell to the floor, and felt the back
of his head. Joseph scowled. There would be a bump there later. Joseph
stood up, and turned toward Devin. "Fine, I will fight you." he said.
Devin look back at his friends. "This will be over fast.", he said with a
smile. He looked toward Joesph, and threw a wild punch, hoping to see
Joseph stumble backward, but Joseph just stood there, letting the punch
fly to his left. Devin faced Joesph, his smile slowly fading. Devin
jumped foward, and releashed a volley of wild punches. Joseph swayed on
his feet, dodging them left and right, with a occasional step back.
Devin's punches evenatluly became more and more weak. He put his hand's
on his knee's, panting. Then, he lunged at Joseph with a jab to the
face, but he caught his fist inches before his face. "My Turn." he said
with a small smile. Adjusting his position of his hand, he pulled Devin
foward. He then jabbed twice with his left hand into Devin's stomach,
getting a satisfying "Oof". He let of Devin, causing him to stumble
backward. Devin took a few steps back, then rushed toward Joseph with
his hand's out in a attempt to make him retreat. Joseph stood still, and
waiting till he was almost onto him, then stepsided to the right,
causing Devin to fall into air, onto his face. Several people laughed.
Devin stood up and wiped his eyes of automatic tear. When he opened his
eyes, Joseph was right in front of him. "I really dont have time to deal
with worm's like you.", he said. He opened Devin left hand, and pulled
his pointer finger backward. Devin gasped in pain, and attempted to
struggle out of Joseph's grip, but his grip was like iron. "JOSEPH!", a
voice called. Joseph turned around to see Armand, his caretaker, glaring
dagger's at him. Armand was 6"11, and scary enough to make anyone
cringe. He has shaggy black hair, and alaways wore the same Black
Sleeve-less shirt with Cargo-Short's. With a sigh, Joesph released his
grip on Devin's finger, and shoved him backward. Joseph crossed the room
to retrive his shirt, then walked toward Armand, who was still glaring
dagger's. He slowly followed him out of the room, aware of all the
other's boy's watching him. They walked down the hallway in silence,
with Joesph taking occasional glances at Armand. Armand was the one who
taught him how to fight, after he found him 10 year's ago. Finally,
Joseph broke the silence. "Why do I have to go to this meeting on my
birthday?", he said. "Shouldn't I get the day off." Armand glared at him
again. He stopped and sighed. "Just go change.", he said. "The meeting
start's in five minutes."
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DigiDigi
WDA Staff
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Waifu : DigiDigi, Digi(^w^)
| | Subject: Re: idk what to call it Wed Jul 18, 2012 10:00 am | |
| didnt read it. you need, NEED to indent your paragraphs and organize to make it readable. | |
|
Nour Force
Magical Girl
Achievement Points : 114
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Waifu : 02
| | Subject: Re: idk what to call it Wed Jul 18, 2012 10:16 am | |
| I've read only a little but I could tell a few things.
- Separate your paragraphs to make it easier for the eye.
- Work on your apostrophes. You add them on every word that ends with "s"
- You should also look at the commas you're adding.
1 AM here. Will probably read tomorrow. | |
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