Playgroup Adventure #1: Spiral Knights

With our banner ready, me, fish, alibaba, supasmash, acefire and digidigi set forth for our first adventure in the land of...
*googles spiral knights wiki*
*...*
*gives up*
the land of the Spiral Knights game, in Spiral Knights.
Early we witnessed our first casualties, as digi randomly died and was never heard from again. Regardless, we pressed on.
Fish introduced us to mumble and revealed his unhealthy obsession with speaking. Soon, he invited his friends over and engaged in conversation with them while we were occupied with our much nerdier tasks. It felt like high school all over again, so the remaining knights, me, supa, ace and alibaba muted them to continue our adventure.
After we figured out how the hell that matchmaking system works, all for of us set forth on our first joint expedition. It wasn't long before yet another man went down and was left behind. Acefire disconnected, and decided to leave, leaving just me, supa and alibaba alone to brave the kinda harder arcade stages of the game.
But we persevered, we could not die and we could only kill so we set forth. However some floors below that overconfidence was our downfall, as both me and supa started wasting our health on fairly obvious spikes and bombs, until we died for the first time.
Death of course did not stop us, we continued further down to the depths and braved floor after floor, nothing could stand in our way!
As we descended we noticed our adversaries were becoming stronger too, no longer were we immortal and all powerful in fights. Furthermore, I noticed my bombs did in fact not do shit to the new enemies, so perhaps my strategy of using just a gun and a bomb, while abandoning the primary weapon of the game, may not have been the optimal one. Regardless, I was getting carried as always and it was all smooth sailing.
Until, supa ran out of energy... It seems he kept dying over and over while we weren't looking, so he kept wasting it on revives. Apparently, wasting that currency is bad and you can't play when it's over. Interesting. Thankfully, that energy refills automatically, but as it takes 22 hours to fill it all, supa had to sit out on this expedition. With just 2 of us, me and alibaba continued to clear one final floor before we called it a day and awaited reinforcements. Alibaba faced a disconnection, but he overcame it soon and aided me in exterminating the packs of wolves that kept challenging us. Then halfway in the stage, we seperated to find two different keys in order to continue. Not for long, as alibaba soon with his death cry called for help. It was good luck that I took jesus classes in university, so I arrived on his side of the stage, defeated the fiend that fell him and proceeded to resurrect him before returning to my own task. After finishing it, I returned to see how alibaba was doing, only to witness him mistaking the exit for the entrance and suffering a clumsy death to obvious floor spikes.
I got the key, proved the dragonballs in my possession were superior to the regular ones by reviving the same person a second time and we pressed on to face further battles. It seems however that 10% health is not a good amount for facing a pack of wolves with a stun gun and a glorified firecracker, so I died myself this time. Brave alibaba, stronger as he faced death twice now already, did not give up at the thought of having to face the enemy that had slain me alone, instead he used his own gun (which sounded like a shotgun, it had 1 less shot but I still prefer it to my pew pew) and exterminated the wolf onslaught, before revealing that he had in fact taken jesus classes as well and reviving me. So we pressed on, to the final face-off against the now annoyingly repetitive wolves. Armed with the power of block based bells, we cleverly used the terrain to our advantage to clear this final challenge. The way was clear, and we could now descend further.
We did not, apparently alibaba ran out of energy too, and besides, it was just 2 of us, so we decided to end our expedition here.

Kimo and Mau5 were both new to the adventure, so they had to take their mandatory military training first. We waited with acefire doing nothing of particular significance, until the final step of their training opened up, and we joined them for our first joint adventure.
Kimo was especially slow in catching up, so we spent time messing with our microphones, shooting each other and spinning. Kimo would finally reach us, and so it began.
It was an easy task, we all knew it was an easy task, me and acefire the most as we had bested that trial once before, but in reality, we knew nothing of the horrors of this place... It was two battles later that we were met with true horror, because the battlefield was haunted...
We didn't know, we couldn't defend against the unseen enemy, and we would all be goners if it were not for Kimo Force, because as it happens, Kimo Force is a medium. And not just any kind of medium but a badass ghost buster. Kimo can see, Kimo can hunt and Kimo can slay what no mortal man can understand, so bravely he ran straight for the wall, sword in hand and slashed away at what we could only imagine was a fearsome, vengeful spirit. The process continued for a while, kimo had indeed walked into and slashed every wall in the room before he finally deemed it safe, tried to fool our easily frightened hearts by saying it was all "lag", and we moved on, knowing deep inside the heroic truth.
Kimo was however drained from his otherworldly battle, we could see it on him. I on the other hand was met with the same stupid bug I always have on that boss and was stuck on strafing. Thankfully, the other two knights could carry me that could not hit the boss unless he went and stood in front of me, and kimo who could only use bombs. We won and we moved on.

From there, we immediately decided to challenge an arcade level. I was the only one who had seen the previous arcade run, so we decided to run the same one again.
But it was too soon, for kimo had to rest and regain his strength, so he was disconnected. Disheartened by the loss of our hero, mau5 left as well right afterwards, never to return. Suicide is what we all suspected, but we did not tell kimo when he eventually returned to us. Now, with just us 3, me, acefire and kimo, we pressed onwards to a greater challenge.
To my surprise, this challenge was not like the previous one. Apparently in arcade the levels shuffle between runs. But even without knowledge we had strength and we knew nothing could stop us. Little did we know to keep an eye on acefire's health, as it was important foreshadowing of the events to come.
The fight was easy, the team was there and the floors were cleared. Until even we met our match, in the haunted graveyard...
The skeletons this time were unforgiving and the phantoms were too damn bulky, so finally our inexperience started to show on our health bars.
Still, we could survive, still we could press on, but fate had other plans as my computer crashed...
I could only hope the team could survive without me and tried my best to get back on time. But I failed... by the time I got back, everyone had died, kimo used mist to revive the party and as I was immobile I had died a second time by the time I connected back. Kimo gave half his life to save me, and together we cleared the threat. But it was evident that we were reaching our limits, also mina happened to just log in and we had an empty spot, so we summoned the wandering knight to join our ranks. Now we were four, now we knew the tricks of the skeletons, now nothing could stop us. Or so we thought...

The foreshadowing came to pass, Acefire was just too brave for this. He had a target, he had a goal, he had one gear: GO! 
... right into a horde of enemies, alone, and try to kill them all with your melee weapon.
For the first time, we understood the burden of casualties, as the health of the entire party would stay low after all the revives.
The next stage was not easier. Mina learned the hard way that thorns can kill you. By dying from 40%. Acefire did not think of using the 1 button he was using all game to revive his allies. The projectiles of our enemies were hardly visible unless you were looking out for them. The battle was hard and our health would just not go up. Still we had to go on, still we could not give up, and for that we were rewarded with a health refill on the next stage. Acefire in fact informed me and mina that we had not refilled our entire health and we should stay on the health tile longer. It was here that we also learned that Acefire was a hacker, as no mic icon would appear on his avatar for us, it would not appear for him either, yet his mic was on at all times, so keyboard strokes, breathing, duplicates of the in game sounds, we all had the privilege of being accompanied by that melody, and there was nothing we could do about it.
But he is an honorable hacker, he would not use his 1337 h4x0r skillz to give himself an edge in the game, and that was evident because upon entering the next level, faster than we could blink acefire went from 100% health to 35%. I kid you not.

This level had 2 things. More slimes and cat ghosts. The way to beat slimes was easy, backpedal and shoot, obviously if you attack them at close range, given the lag of the third hit of your combo you will not be able to dodge their counterattack since the knockback on slimes sucks. But the knights were hasty, the knights were getting bored and the knights wanted to get this over with, so sword on slime action it is. Our health boost was for naught, as it would again be chipped away, for all of us. Revives weren't getting any cheaper, with less than 10% actual damage I had reached 20% health yet again. At least in our open battles we could survive. But that was only for open battles. It wasn't long before it happened... it wasn't long before the cat ghost ambush...
We ran and we ran to our corners against the floating feline onslaught, but we couldn't help misteps. My 1% health eventually became 0 on the second wave... I was revived only to get hit again and reach that dreadful 1%. But we would not fall again, none of us. We prevailed, the cats now dead for good, and so we moved on.
The final floor had no health boost for us. It was just we against a yet fiercer attack of the slimes and catghosts. We took them on in the open field and we pushed them back, only for them to ambush us in a room of explosives. It was here that our healths again became dangerously low. I died once more before we could finally proceed closer to the final battle.
We thought we arrived in an open area, while in reality, we were trapped like mice, in a square corridor with cats from beyond in our tail. Our hardest battle yet, both I and ace had to use mist to revive this time. Unable to overcome our jesus powers of resurrection, the cats fell, the slimes melted and the treasure was ours. The final door opened and the final depths was reached. It was here that we learned we had to beat further story missions to go beyond that level, so here we declared today's expedition was over. Acefire and kimo left and I went to the lonely knight, Alibaba's side to aid him in his quest, clearly worried about his progress. Minako unfortunately could not follow us due to the game's restrictions.

welcome to alibaba adventures, so on the dawn of a new day, since we played this at midnight. the noble knights gathered around the round cbox, but now we had more force in our rank, cuz kimo force and his friend joined for some reason, there was a mau5 but idk. so as we gathered our new fooled members and decided to go fuck with innocent creatures in a game, we realized the number of people this time were too many. so as a matter of fuck all we were split into 2 groups with me being the leader? idk they called it alibaba's group, maybe it was an insult to the others. not the point. so yea i took digi as my main heroine and supa as my side kick and i took kimo's friend who i don't know enough to joke about. not that my jokes are good, so after waiting cuz digz mah love and new dude were doing tutorials, me and supa decided to make circles together, they were quite beautiful. so ..... digi died. so then we started our adventure as i did nothing at all and new dude tried to do a bit and supa was carrying us on his shoulders while whacking his axe around like a yandere on the heat, it was quite beautiful. so after i burned myself half to death and we beat the easiest level ever....again we finally decided to go into the realm of the arcada. ofc supa kept killing stuff and i think i did something useful once. then i ran away.
anyway as i came back we found ourselves in a bonus level where i still had no fucking idea what i was doing but somehow we managed to do it, there were like 0 enemies in the level. anyway supa tried to stay with us but sadly his anus gave in as he went to the bathroom and never came back. even though it stinked, me and new dude went forth to battle the slime. sadly i fucked up and led both of us into a bonus zone with a very fucking hard enemy that we didn't have to face. then i realized that i played this same level yesterday yet somehow i got lost. so as seif found the actual way we had to go i was lost, until he called me and we went on. the level went smoothly after that even though we both died quite a bit at the bonus zone, especially seif. so after we finished the area, new dude seif hedgehog the 3rd was up way past his nap time and then was put into a deep slumber. which led to me being alone in my noble quest to..... uh..
moving on, so since minako took the place of mau5 who i was hoping to take the place of i had no other choice than to go solo bitches, han solo. so as i went with the chicken's way out with double guns so the enemies never get near me as i run in circles while shooting at them till they die. i saw myself as an epic archer shooting legendary swords at them with my epic bow. then as i realized the huge amount of foxes in the forest levels and then remembering how i'm also watching spice and wolf which has horo who totally looks like a fox and that the other thing i do online is play LoL which has ahri the fox girl free this week which has been in almost every game i played this week i realized that i was blessed by the fox god and related foxes to humanity because pensi>cock>rooster>chicken>fox>god or something like that, i might've skipped a bit. so as i was full capsing in the empty chat that no one else can see about fox gods in my penis i came to an area which yesterday i was actually paying attention to, so as i copied what al was doing yesterday while taking forever to clear enemies on my own i somehow ended up taking half an hour sending 1 key to the location of another key, so after i figured out wtf i did wrong i opened the door and started killing stuff in the last area alone as i remembered doing the same thing with the same gun the previous day while my health was at 88%, so then my faith was renewed in the fox gods and i defeated them valiantly, then i found out i could've passed through without wasting time on them, so looking to see how much health i lost, it came to my attention that my health was 69%, it was quite beautiful. so i decided to keep it at 69 as much as i could. that lasted 2 minutes. so as i went through the final area of the area i was attacked by.... the same old enemies. AND THEN AT A PERFECT TIME A MYSTERIOUS BEING APPEARED, i panicked and shot at it for like half a minute. then i realized it was al coming at the exactly perfect moment to save me, that moment being while i had full health and barley anything to do. i kept shooting at al to confirm his existence, not that i could damage him. so after we defeated the thingies in the area we went to the next and last with barley any energy left to go after that or even survive it. so as we reached there al explained how they finished their noble mission and he took it as his responsibility to come and save those who are in need and achieve nobality with the highest of honors, and minako too so we waited for minako to join. so as we waited for minako to join i slowly discovered al's anus. it was quite beautiful, i decided to touch it, then i started dry humping al. as al reported me, we heard the news that minako can't join because he's not my friend, so as i spun around myself, we realized he couldn't join anyway because it was the final level. and so al's anus was sacrificed for no reason. so as we went into the boss area and encountered the fox god. the fox god was furious for the sins i had committed to al's...nah i am stretching this anus...joke too much, i'll just go on
so as the fox god was furious of the anuses i had committed to al's sin we had to fight him, so as me and al had no idea what we were doing and ran aimlessly around the place while being slowly killed, we accidentally discovered how to kill it, still it was fucking hard. i was useless mostly but i think i did do something right. so as i was out of energy and barley any health left it came at me, i completely panicked and begged it to stop then started yelling at supa digz seif and al then my jaw opened to new heights and wings sprouted out of the fox god, or what actually happened was i died and al went on to kill it on his own with actual thinking, i tried on my own for a while though i couldn't do too well and al thought i had no idea what i was doing. though i actually did know what i was doing but i didn't know how to do what i was supposed to be doing. or something liek that. then al killed it and we took off our shirts and danced in glory of our manliness and were happy to be free of the hands of the fox god in my cock, by that i mean we both realized it's far past 12 am and we should both be sleeping so we quit the game and went to sleep, after writing a ridiculously large summary of what happened. 
hopefully one day i will recover from the affects of lonliness and buttholes
i feel bad that you actually read this. 
bonus material: asdgfsdghteh
short version: hue
I am illiterate and dyslexic, I am very sorry. 
the end.