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 Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter

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J.J. Knight
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J.J. Knight
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PostSubject: Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter   Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter EmptyFri Apr 06, 2012 2:50 am

The following is an exclusive chapter from Trails of Blood. This is the most emotional chapter in the book and perhaps the series. To prevent spoilers, I've changed the serial killer's real name back to Jack. Critique is welcome. I hope you enjoy.


Chapter 13: November 16th, 2010


Jack threw the garbage bag into the dumpster behind the apartment in the early hours of the brisk morning. “I wonder if he’s searching my garbage,” mumbled Jack as he walked away from the dumpster. Jack placed his hands into his jacket pocket as he walked back to the apartment. As he turned the corner, he stopped in his tracks.

A short woman with blonde hair stood beside the front door of the apartment. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. On the side of her face was a large black bruise. Clearly, she wasn’t ashamed of this blemish.

Jack narrowed his eyes as he stood. ‘She’s the girl that was beaten up and left the hospital before we could find out her identity. Is she here to find out who saved her? There’s no other reason for her to be here unless she’s waiting for that guy again, which I doubt is the case.’ He paused for a moment before walking towards her. As she turned her head, Jack stopped and stared at her, meeting her gaze.

For nearly a whole minute, both stood completely still.

“You were the one that saved me?” said the girl, breaking the silence.

“Yes.” said Jack.

The female walked towards him and scratched the back of her head.

“Would you like to go for a walk?”

Jack paused before answering her request. “Sure. Where would you like to go?”

“Anywhere."

Without saying a word, Jack lead the female to his car. They drove around for an hour, the female sitting silently in the passenger seat. Jack didn’t utter a word either; he didn’t even have the radio on. For nearly an hour, he drove in silence. As they passed the park, Jack pulled over beside the entrance. The female didn’t seem to reject the idea of walking with him in a park. In fact, she didn’t seem to respond at all besides her stepping out of the car. He took this as a sign of agreement that the park was a fine place to walk. Together, they walked along the cement path for a while longer without speaking.

“I’m sorry for bailing out on you like that,” said the female sheepishly as they walked along the sidewalk of the local park, breaking the silence.

“It’s quite alright,” said Jack as he walked beside with his hands tucked into his pants pockets. He didn’t make eye contact with her as she talked to him. Instead, he kept looking forward. “I’ve paid your hospital bill, so you don’t need to worry about the costs. I don’t expect repayment.”

“Thanks…I owe you big for helping me,” she said as she wrapped her arms under her chest and looked towards the trees. They remained silent as they walked down the path. Every few minutes, she turned her head to look toward Jack. “My name is Samantha. Samantha Wright.”

“My name is Tyler Raine.” replied Jack.

“That’s a nice name,” said Samantha quietly as she looked around. “What do you do for a living?”

“Ladies first.” said Jack.

Samantha laughed nervously. “I see how it is. Well, I used to be in the military. The Air Force, like my folks. However, I was discharged dishonorably almost immediately upon my entry. Our commanding officer tried to rape me and I stabbed him in self-defense. He lied and said I went crazy and attacked him. The Army believed his story over mine and kicked me out. My family wouldn’t believe me either. They threw me out of the house before I could even explain. The next thing I knew, I was on the streets, doing drugs and all sorts of horrible shit I never thought I’d ever do,” she said with a sigh. She paused for a moment before she turned toward Jack. “How about you?”

“Well…,” began Jack before three boys standing around a girl in a wheelchair caught his attention. The boys were no older than thirteen years old, the girl about the same age as them. One of the boys grabbed the back of the wheelchair and tilted it back, the girl screaming in fright as she clung to the armrests.

“While those little punks!” said Sam as she clenched her fists. Her anger was replaced with confusion as Jack walked calmly toward the group of young children. “Tyler, what are you doing?” she called to him.

Jack ignored her as he walked toward the group of junior high school students. Two of the young boys spotted Jack approaching them and ceased tormenting the small girl. Jack placed his hand on the shoulder of the boy that tilted the wheelchair backwards. The boy looked upward and stared at Jack’s face.

Jack glared down at the small boy. His cold eyes were narrowed dangerously and his features darkened. “Leave her alone,” said Jack quietly. “I never want to see you bullying this poor girl ever again. Understand?” he whispered. Though his threat barely audible, his words sent chills down their spines.

The three boys yelled and ran away from Jack. His eyes followed the three young boys as they ran away. As they ran out of sight, he turned his attention toward the small girl in the wheelchair. He bit his lower lip as he noticed how thin her legs and right arm was. She looked feeble and unhealthy. The young girl looked up at her savior with bright blue eyes; her dark brown hair covered her shoulders. Jack’s stomach churned as he looked into her thin face. She reminded him of himself when he was younger.

“Th-thank you mister…” she said so quietly, Jack almost couldn’t hear her.

Jack kneeled beside her so he could hear her better, their faces level with each other. Their blue eyes locked with each other. Each felt they looked into a mirror that showed their future and past selves. “Tell me, why were those boys doing that to you?” asked Jack as tilted his head to the side.

“Because I’m not like everyone else,” she said quietly and looked away. “I was born with a bad hip and arm. I wasn’t supposed to live, I was supposed to die at birth, but I survived. To get around, I have to use this wheelchair. For as long as I could remember, I’ve always been teased by my classmates because I’m not like everyone else,” she wiped her eyes with her sleeve as they began to fill with tears. “I am trapped in this useless body. I can’t do what others can. I am nothing but a useless shell. I should die…”

Jack bit his lip as he placed his thin hand on her shoulder. The small girl winced as he touched her. She looked back at him with wide, fearful eyes.

“Don’t let them put you down. Bullies torment others because they are suffering themselves and have no other way to release that tension. Besides, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You are not useless. Your vessel may be damaged, but you are still intact. You live so long as your will is alive.”

“I wish I was dead…or they would be, at the very least.” she said quietly as she hung her head and closed her eyes. Fresh tears rolled down her cheek and fell onto her lap.

Jack frowned as he moved his hand forward and moved her head toward him. She stared at him with wide eyes; a faint blush crept across her cheeks as she looked at him. “Listen to me,” said Jack softly. “Nothing is worth taking your life over. By killing yourself, you submit to your foes and give them exactly what they want. Why do that? Why give them the satisfaction that you did exactly what they wanted you to do? You should never listen to those who put you down. They are jealous of your talent and wish to destroy what they can’t have. Never submit to them, never give up. Rise above their expectations and prove your peers wrong. Use your skills to improve your life the way no one else can. Only you can make your life better. You may be confined to this wheelchair,” said Jack as he placed his hand on the armrest of the wheelchair and gripped it tightly. The small girl looked down and at his hand. “But you have great talent. Even the most talented and intelligent people alive have some sort of handicap or unique trait about them that makes them different. That’s what makes them unique and different from everyone else. They also faced hardships, but that only made them stronger. Do you understand?”

“Y-Yes sir,” said the young girl as she used the sleeve on her good arm to wipe her face. “How do you know so much?” she asked.

“Because I myself was bullied growing up.” he replied.

“What? Why?” she asked as she looked at him with wide eyes. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“I was different. People refused to understand who I was and suffered from their judgment,” he said quietly. “I know your pain. You will do better than I did.”

“What makes you say that, sir?”

Jack looked at her with a blank expression. His stomach gave a sharp churn at the memories of his childhood. He looked down at the cement walkway to avoid her gaze. “I made some bad choices that resulted in my life being hindered. I failed in becoming my best and became what my peers wanted me to be. I’ve hurt a lot of people for my own personal gain or pleasure. Looking back, I wish I never did any of it,” Jack paused for a moment before continuing. “However, you will succeed and be what I could not.” said Jack as he looked up and gave her a tender smile. “You can live for the both of us.”

A darker shade of red filled her cheeks as she bit her lip. “Sir…What’s your name?”

He paused for a moment, hesitant to tell her. He leaned forward and whispered into her ear. “My name is Jack. Yours?”

“Nichole, but my mom calls me Nikki.” she replied at once, her face bright red from him being so close.

“Well Nikki, I expect to see great things from you in the future,” said Jack as he stood up. “Do you promise to do your best? To go to college and make something of yourself?”

Nichole looked up at Jack and wore a bright smile. “I promise!” she said enthusiastically. “Will I ever see you again?” she asked quickly and looked at him with admiration. She locked her eyes onto his, determined not to break eye contact with Jack as he looked down at her.

“Perhaps one day. I can’t make any promises,” said Jack as he placed his hand on her shoulder. “Take care, little one. You’ll make it far. Never forget what I told you.” he said as he withdrew his hand from her shoulder and turned around.

Nichole turned her head back and watched Jack walk away. “I won’t forget about you!” she yelled back to him as she turned and sat on her wheelchair properly. She grabbed the sides of the wheels and rolled them forward, hiding her bright smile and newfound hope. She took what Jack said to heart and will never forget what he had to say to her, despite it coming from the most wanted serial killer in the country.

“That was very nice of you,” said Sam as she watched Jack walk back toward her. “I’ve never seen someone be so nice before. She looks full of hope,” she said as Jack walked past her. She watched him walk away from her without saying a word. “Tyler?”

“Let’s go back, I’m quite famished and would like something to eat. Care to join me?” said Jack quietly as he kept his focus on the ground.
“Sure,” said Samantha as she walked beside him.

‘If I can take solace in anything in this life, it’ll be that girl’s success. I will not let her become a victim like I have. Hopefully she’ll take my advice and succeed where I failed.’ thought Jack as he turned his head toward Nichole as she rolled down the walkway toward a woman standing beside a white van, presumably Nichole’s mother. ‘Listen to my advice, little one. Your life will be much better than my own.’
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PostSubject: Re: Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter   Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter EmptyFri Apr 06, 2012 3:08 am

JJ this chapter is 100% sheer brilliance, the emotions coming out of these words are so precise i really could'nt beilieve what i was reading, I have to admit this one chapter makes me want the book Now. You really out did yourself, for the prince of darkness and black humour this is one of the most touching things i have ever read in my life, and i've read alot of sad things. J.J I applaude you.
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PostSubject: Re: Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter   Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter EmptyFri Apr 06, 2012 3:52 am

IM not great at summarizing at stories so i will give it my best shot. This was a great exclusive chapter, i like how u told alitte about the serial killers past and all the mistakes he made and how he wish he could take it all back. Helping the little girl almost had me in tears i was like prolly 6 inches away from my laptop reading it (my eyes do not hurt by getting that close). It showed an emotional side to Jack which i was surprised and wouldnt mind seeign a few more chapters about soemthing like this
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PostSubject: Re: Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter   Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter EmptyFri Apr 06, 2012 8:23 am

The chapter is brilliant. I can actually connect to the girl about the bullying because seriously, who hasn't been through it? It's also showing Jack as someone better, someone he actually wanted to be. If people who were being bullied read this, it could probably cheer them up too. Good Job man
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PostSubject: Re: Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter   Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter EmptySat Apr 07, 2012 7:33 am

If you become famous remember i was your best friend.
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PostSubject: Re: Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter   Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter EmptySat Apr 07, 2012 7:50 am

Bloo wrote:
If you become famous remember i was your best friend.

Who are you?
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PostSubject: Re: Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter   Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter EmptySat Apr 07, 2012 6:50 pm

Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter 48

This is....




Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter Rarity_wings
FABULOUS!
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PostSubject: Re: Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter   Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter EmptySun Apr 08, 2012 6:40 am

The deadly killer I know, inside is a kind-hearted man. Derp.
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PostSubject: Re: Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter   Trails of Blood: Exclusive Chapter EmptyMon Apr 09, 2012 5:33 pm

Whilst the chapter itself seems interesting for an introduction to a new character, I beg to differ over the simplicity of putting the words together for a mature book. Perhaps it would be better to implement other forms of emotion as well instead of sticking to only one. For instance, instead of just "Though his threat barely audible, his words sent chills down their spines.", add up to it something as "The lad's face almost seemed as if it were to go pale. He started breathing gently from his mouth as fear struck him in the eyes. The gaze the man shot back stunned him, left him paralyzed in cowardice, while only five seconds ago, he was enjoying his time tormenting the young girl, but the strong whiff of malice filled his lungs, and rendered his brain incapable of hiding the fearful soul inside." Something like that would do. I don't know if it has worked otherwise for you, but this does seem like a better way of putting things together. Also, try not to forget to describe your own characters, tell us how to imagine them, because I find it difficult to imagine how any of the characters here look like. Mind me if I seem to be pointing out all the negative aspects, but I try helping out as much as I can.
bakura normal wrote:
For the prince of darkness and black humour
0.0!
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